US meets UK

Usually, if you’re an international couple, and you’d like to stay together after you get married you have to file for an AOS.  This stands for “Adjustment of Status”, we need to adjust Mr.D’s status from fiance to spouse! But wait you say, “I thought you guys were married, I’ve seen the photos!” But for the US government a marriage certificate from a municipality just isn’t enough.

You’ve been with the D’orsays through the K1 Fiance Visa Process and I’m happy that the hive will be along with us as we continue attempting to stay together despite the governmental roadblocks.

First, we made another ginormo packet of personal info. As for what goes into the packet? That info can be found here. Mr.D realized that he needed his previous vaccination form transcribed by a civil surgeon on the the I-693 form to be included in this packet so he searched high and low to find a doctor who could do that. Prices ranged from $25 to $100! So be sure to shop around if you to do this, some doctors also told us that he needed another full medical exam.  In our case this was FALSE and in our opinion, the offices were either misinformed or attempting to make more money off us. Mr.D could have had his vaccines done at the doctor approved by the US government in London, but it would have cost even more money! So he had them done free on the NHS, only to find he had to pay for a doctor to transcribe the form here.

We sent off a wedding gift of $1,010 (*gasp…choke choke*) to the government (on 10/1) and waited. We received the usual “we got it” receipt (on 10/6) from the government and waited some more. We sent the package off in late September and on October 16th were sent a letter letting Mr.D know where and when to go for his biometrics (fingerprinting) appointment (rescheduled for 11/20). A week or two after we received that letter we received another letting us know our case had been sent to California (10/26).

Having our case in California means there is a slight chance that we get to skip the interview portion of the AOS and skip straight to the swim suit competition. Mr.D also applied for an EAD (authorization to be employed) and that should be coming soon. Here is a general timeline for the EAD from Visa Journey. Another approval you can file for is advanced parole, my understanding is that the advanced parole is supposed to be used if you have any specific travel dates that take you out of the country. We didn’t apply for this at the time, because we didn’t have any specific travel dates.

So where are we now? The D’orsays are waiting on our EAD to come. We don’t feel we have any hopes for knowing when our AOS will be complete as most people say it can take anywhere from months to years (fingers crossed for months!). So I try not to worry about it. Maybe we’ll do an interview, maybe we won’t. The process isn’t very transparent, and that part is amazingly frustrating. So the D’orsays just check out mail, take lots of photos together and wait.

Anyone else in the process?

D’orsay immigration posts

Post 1

Post 2

Post 3

Post 4

Post 5

Post 6

Post 7

Post 8

and omigod this post you’re reading is post 9!!!

I know I know, you want pictures.  I need to wait for online reviewing to end first, then the recaps shall begin!

A few weeks ago our DJ, Evan, emailed me asking if I’d be willing to write a review for them, because he’d like it to be their 150^th review on WeddingWire.I said sure! Because not only do I love reading reviews, I enjoy writing them too!

It’s important to note however, that Evan didn’t ask me explicitly to write a positive review, because we all know how I feel about that. After checking out Evan’s blog post about WeddingWire/150^th review I learned a bit about the vendor perspective of reviews. The post however, had me start thinking of my own relationship to reviews

It reached an almost neurotic level when it came to crafting our registry.  I would search through hundreds of product reviews on Amazon.  I’d go through the 5 star ones and the 1 star reviews, attempting to get an accurate picture.  I did this for every single item on our registry. Every single one.  I had this entire “you try before I buy” mentality about the whole thing. Anything I wasn’t 100% sure about I put on the BBB registry because of their return policy.

If I’m that way about a blender….imagine how far off the deep end I went with vendor reviews.  I searched Yelp and WeddingWire, I asked individual brides who had used them (found via Weddingbee and the Knot), and just googling the vendor name along with “review” to see what would come up.  This process served me very, very well.I felt that anytime you ask for references vendors will (rightly) give you the names of couples they did a great job for. So I was pretty excited to find unbiased reviews for tons of vendors.  I felt I needed to hear from couples who had experience with the vendors firsthand before I could think of booking them.

The only point in which my review hunt failed us is where I didn’t listen to the reviews, or pick up on red flags.  I’ll write about this more when I’m ready, but I was severely disappointed with our caterer.  In her reviews there are several red flags, which, while in the minority are still there in black and white.  Instead of paying attention to those (as I would with a blender) I ignored them in favor of price.  As you can imagine, that turned out to be a huge mistake.  If only I had stayed the course, I probably would have chosen a caterer without the red flags and hopefully had a better experience.

Are you a review junkie too?

Do you follow your vendors?  I do! I recently joined Twitter and since Twitter pulls your email address to help you find people you know; it naturally pulled my vendors who tweet.  Instantly, I was following along with our DJ, Photog and Officiant.  I already followed some of their blogs (and Laura and I go to TaeBo together), but this new social media makes me feel more connected than ever.

I enjoy hearing about the other weddings they’re doing, seeing new blog posts and getting to know more about them on other levels.  I also think it helps them get to know me and my style in different and more in-depth ways.  For example, when I accidentally made myself look like a superhero my DJ joked that he could play superhero music for my entrance and my photographer gave me the contact info for his hair stylist friend!

In fact, I sorta wished all my vendors tweeted and blogged so I could follow along.  Except the cake baker…because I don’t know if I could handle tweets about buttercream while dieting.

Do you follow your vendors?

Any clue what I’m referring to? It’s my ears, and in particular, how I plan on decorating them on the wedding day. Or really, how I planned, then couldn’t decide, then lost one pair of earrings and am back at square one with two weeks to go to the wedding. hmmm.

At first, I considered wearing smaller pearls and a cameo necklace.  But that much jewelry seemed distracting and I eventually decided it was best to only decorate my ears. Then the question became posts or drop/dangle earrings?  They need to be large enough to show up in photos, but light enough that I don’t get  a headache.

I found this pair that I loved, but waited to long and they disappeared…le sigh.

Then I started exploring earrings that dropped or dangled.

I started to become concerned that my earrings would be competing with my veil, getting caught in it, or generally making my face/head are too “busy” and went back to looking at post earrings.

I stumbled over to emitations and found this pair.

I ended up just purchasing the emitations ones and hoping they work out! I’m at the point where I’m getting too close to be picky!

What are you doing for the wedding? Posts or Danglies?

Alaska…no, not that proposal!

The proposal involving this!

K…maybe there weren’t oranges involved, but there was sushi!

After Mr.D and I had picked out the ring it had to take a trip to New York to be sized.  We were told it would be back the following Friday.  As luck (bad luck?) would have it I was home from work the Friday it was due and I was ultra excited.  Mr.D drove off to Tiffany & Co to pick it up and while he was gone I attempted to take a nap.  I had just severely sprained my ankle and had been given pain medication for the first few days.  Despite being drugged up, I couldn’t sleep at all!

When he FINALLY got home (okay…maybe it was only 45 minutes) I asked to see it. Mr.D had a huge smile on his face that he was (poorly) attempting to control and calmly tried to tell me that the store had made a mistake and the ring had missed the shipment to Florida.  You should probably know that Mr.D is a terrible liar.  He smiles and laughs and I hope I never have to depend on him to bluff our way out of a sticky situation.

I looked him straight in the eye and said “Tiffany’s wouldn’t do that, I bet you hid it somewhere I can’t reach”. Which, in our Miami house was practically everywhere.  There were tons of high shelves and cabinets I probably couldn’t even reach with a ladder. He kept laughing and smiling though, so I just kept telling him what a liar he was.  He dared me to call Tiffany’s and I was thisclose to doing it, but worried the store would think I was crazy.

All Friday, Saturday and Sunday he kept his ruse up and I kept telling him he was a liar; he actually almost had me by Sunday evening.  I figured if he hadn’t proposed by then, then the ring probably was coming in on Monday… We had a great day on Sunday going to the beach and hitting up a movie and sushi.  I had emailed the photo of the ring to my best friend (and MOH) and the first thing she said was WOAH THAT’S BIG.  Then I got all worried that the ring was too big and ostentatious so while we were waiting for our meal I asked Mr.D what he thought. The food was taking foreverrrrrrr so I said we should make wasabi diamonds to pass the time.  I got busy crafting my wasabi into a square using chopsticks and I was so intent on making it perfect I didn’t see Mr.D fumbling around in his bag across the table.

When it came time to show each other our handiwork I went first.  He said “that’s pretty good, but I think mine is better”.  He turned the plate around and there it was on the plate with a little dot of wasabi in the middle of the ring.

The first words out of my mouth? “YOU’RE SUCH A LIAR!!!” Whoopsies…then I let him say all sorts of nice things and I said “yes, of course” and we were officially engaged.

It turns out he had a plan and was going to make me wait longer, but then at dinner everything seemed to just fall into place and he had the perfect opportunity. Which is a good thing because I probably would have gotten annoying.

What was the first thing you said when s/he proposed?

I recently joined a book club and the first book the group chose to read was The Time Traveler’s wife.  The movie apparently has a different ending, but I’m sure the same points regard fate/determinism/chaos are likely still explored.

We were discussing the issue of if the two characters really had a choice in meeting and being together or was it all pre-determined by fate? Which then brought up real life relationships, did any of us believe in soulmates? Every single one of us answered no.

The more I thought about it, the more strange I thought my own answer was. Mr.D and I always joke that we were fated to meet, because it just seems SO unlikely that it could happen any other way. My friend Erin, asked if we hadn’t met in Austin did I think we would have met again? Which while possible, just seems so unlikely.  I’d like to think, that had Mr.D and I not met; that we would each find other people who make us just as happy.

However, it’s hard for me to think that or assume the outcome of that situation since Mr.D is already a part of my reality.  I cannot imagine anyone else I’d be as happy with. My other married friend piped up and said that she thought her husband was her soulmate. Which made me wonder, if you think your mate is your soulmate…do you believe in soulmates in general? What causes the mental divide between “I’ve met my soulmate and soulmates exist” and “I met my soulmate, but I don’t believe in soulmates”?

I don’t think I believe in soulmates, but I do think Mr.D and I were fated to meet.  There are so many different ways our meeting could have happened and so many directions we could have taken once we’d met.  So I’d like to think that “fate” (or whatever) throws opportunities our way and we have free will to captilize on those situations or not.

Do you believe in soulmates? Would you say yoru partner is your soulmate?

When Mr.D and I first started talking about marriage, weddings and rings we went shopping together to see what was out there.  I’d try on a few rings here or there, trying to figure out what we both liked best. I’m not much for surprises and he wanted to be sure we both loved the ring because we’ll both have to look at it for a long time.

One day we had decided to go on a mammoth ring shopping excursion. We had ordered a few rings in from Tiffany’s in the sizes and designs we liked but hadn’t heard a call from them yet.  So we went to Mayors, and a few other places in Coral Gables trying on rings as we went. Mayors was having an event with multiple settings and multiple loose diamonds..but none of the Asscher cuts my heart had been set on. Mr.D and I were both having a difficult time imagining the settings with a mystery stone.  Plus at the time, overweight and in the heat of Miami; my fingers were big. So shoving size 6 rings on and off my finger (for literally hours) was much less fun than I anticipated.

Plus, there is just something about jewelry store that makes me break out into a sweat.  I have no clue why, but I just feel under so much pressure! I was sweaty, hungry and in pain when we decided to take a break and grab lunch. Because if there is one important fact to know about me it’s this – don’t let my blood sugar drop. At least if you want to stay friends with me, otherwise you might disown my and my low blood sugar snappy comments.

Feeling refreshed we grabbed ice cream and sat on a bench, a bench that happened to be in front of Tiffany & Co. We thought, maybe we’ll just pop in and see if they’re there…The rings were in! Success! The experience in the store with the store manager was completely unlike the previous service we had experienced.  they were very laid back and let us take our time and think about which design and ring we wanted.  Then the manager suggested we take a look at it over by the window in natural light.  As it lit up and blew our minds, Mr.D just looked at me and said “that’s the one, it has to be”.

The manager brought us champagne and we purchased the ring that day.  Our experience was so fantastic I even wrote Tiffany & Co. about how wonderful and different from our other experiences it was (no sweats! well, I didn’t tell them that…).  Sadly, when trying to size my finger we estimated incorrectly.  My finger was SO swollen that we still ended up guessing the size too large, which is how my ring ended up with a pair of balls.

Did you and your SO pick out your ring together or was it a surprise?

When it came time to plan and write out our ceremony Mr.D and I were considerable overwhelmed.  After all, neither of us had any experience writing a marriage ceremony. After turning to the internet, we then turned to our officiant.

We’d been having a particularly difficult time when it came to wedding rituals, none of the ones we could find really spoke to us as a couple or fit with our ceremony.  What if the wind blew out our unity candle? Or if our sand jar was misplaced, broken or all mixed up during a move? What happens to the water after the water ceremony? What if I spilled wine/chocolate/other food on myself?

Then we started talking about planting ceremonies, which while great also stumped (tee hee hee) us.  We don’t really have anywhere permanent we plan on living for a while; certainly no place to plant a tree. Then we started talking about how much we both loved Austin (where we met) and the Southwest in general. When it hit us, how about we plant a cactus?

Sure, a prickly cactus at first glance might not seem the best symbol of a marriage but if you’ve speant time around them you might see why I find them so impressive.  They can be used for food, medicine and shelter for small animals. They can be as delicate as they are hardy and to replant one? Just simply stick one on the ground and it will replant it’s roots where ever it falls. Since we’re nomadic, it seemed like the perfect choice.

We ordered a cactus (from Arizona) and I wrote the text for the ceremony. I sent this to my officiant and asked her if she could smooth it out and tweak it a bit.

Christiana and Nick will now take part in their cactus planting ceremony to symbolize the roots of their relationship, and the continued growth of their love as they become family to each other today. Unlike a tree, a cactus can be replanted over and over, without any true danger to the the plant.  Much like Nick and Christiana, they can spend a fair amount of time moving around while still strengthening it’s roots. Many of you know, Nick and Christiana met and fell in love in the Southwest and this cactus will serve as a daily reminder of the beginnings of their relationship. As they provide the sun, soil, and water for this cactus, they will provide the encouragement, trust, and love needed on a daily basis to consciously nurture and nourish their connection to each other.

And she sent back this:

We will also be symbolizing the depth and meaning of this union today through a special ritual- uniqe to Christiana and Nick.  The two of you will now take part in a cactus planting ceremony.  Many of you know, Nick and Christiana met and fell in love in the Southwest and this cactus will serve as a daily reminder of the beginnings of their relationship.  It symbolizes the roots of their relationship, and the continued growth of their love as they become family to each other today. Unlike a tree, a cactus can be replanted over and over, without any true danger to the the plant.  Much like Nick and Christiana, who have spent a fair amount of time in their relationship being uprooted and moved around but growing stronger all the while.

Nick, please add the soil.
Christiana, please add the water.

And thus, we’ve made our own ritual (sorta). Woo hoo!

Have you created any rituals for your ceremony? What rituals did you incorporate and why?

After seeing this post on Engageology I knew that tissue paper pomanders would make a great addition to our ceremony decor.  We aren’t doing too much decorating since we’re hoping to be outside, but in case it rains these would be able to decorate an indoor ceremony as well.

First step? Figure out which tissue paper you want to use.  It’s best to do this by getting samples BEFORE you purchase or finding your tissue paper in person.  Don’t trust your computer or the internet to show you how colors look in real life.  I originally searched for dark purple, then gave up and looked for light purple, then gave up on that and randomly found ivory tissue paper at the Container Store.

Assemble your tools. I used:

• 22 gauge floral wire (stiff, sturdy but pliable$4.00)
• tissue paper (ivory, from the container store 3 packs $3.50 each)
• scissors
• wire cutters (thanks dad!)
• 5 inch Styrofoam balls (about $4 but use those 40-50% coupons to save $$)
• Hot glue ( and glue gun)
• tiny box for the 1,000,000,000+ paper pieces you’ll be cutting out

Next, fold one million flowers. No…for reals, one million.  I’m making 10 pomanders, and at 20some flowers per ball that will be ALOT flowers.  Perhaps not a million, but it feels close.

MOH MaryBeth and I realized that folding the flowers assembly line style works best, so if you have unlimited volunteers the best roles would be “paper cutter”, “flower folder”, “stem twister”, “edge cutter”, “flower fluffer” and “flower stuffer”.

Paper cutter? Cut your paper into 10×5 inch rectangles.

Flower folder? fold lengthwise (so you make more folds and the flower isn’t super wide). Accordion fold it about 3/4 inch.

Stem twister? grab your wire cutters, cut off a piece of wire then attach it to the flower.  Hook it over then twist the ends to make a tight seal.  I like to cut the ends off to give it a nice sharp point and to make the “stem” shorter.

Flower cutter? Cut the ends of the paper into rounded not too pointy tops, I did pointy at first and it just doesn’t look as nice (IMO).

Flower fluffer? Fluff that flower, I prefer to start with pulling up the top layer and working my way around both sides in a circle.

Flower Stuffer? Add a dob if glue where the “flower” meets the “stem”.  Stick in to ball…don’t burn yourself. Continue sticking flowers into the ball, not too far apart and not too close to squish them together too much. It helps if you can sift through the already attached flowers on the ball so when you’re working on the opposite side your fingers are pressing the ball to the new flower and not smushing the flowers.

After several hours of manual labor…you’ll have these I haven’t timed myself on making one yet since I usually chillax and zone out while creating them.

*Credit where credit is due: I used this tutorial and barely altered it.

Just Kidding…I’m too scared I’ll lose again! We’re getting down to the wire here, and we need to submit our first dance (and other) songs.  The real trouble is simply deciding the first dance song…everything else has been super easy!

Here are the songs in the running:

Otis Redding – That’s how strong my love is

John Legend – Stay with you

Elbow  – One day like this

Kings of Leon – Use Somebody