This is what it looks like…
Sunday, February 7th, 2010Outside of my parent’s house. Holy Moly.
Are you snowed in?
Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
Formspring?
Friday, February 5th, 2010I don’t really get the formspring thing, but when someone asked when I was getting on the boat I figured I might as well jump on. I can’t imagine that there is anything anyone would want to know about me that they don’t already know, but just in case here is the forum to ask it.
I’ll try to avoid populating my twitter with every (what, 5 questions) that people might ask. Unless I find them particularly hilarious. But we shall see. http://www.formspring.me/MsDorsay
Today I’m planning on getting snowed in in Baltimore with our friends Holly and Mike in Fed Hill. Snowpocolypse in Columbia is no fun, Snowsaycanyousee however, is fun - because it’s in Baltimore.
I also hope to write more wedding recaps, because I’m crap at fulfilling obligations. le sigh. Maybe forced confinement will help?
Do you formspring?
Security
Thursday, February 4th, 2010Security can mean so many different things to different people, but I think it’s always near to emotion of fear. Security protects you from fear, and from worry. Security means different things to me at different times. In August of 2008 Nick proposed to me in Miami, I was over the moon. I began to come back down to the ground realizing the types of hurdles we faced in our future. For one thing, we had just been skating by on immigration law because Nick was on a visitor visa waiver, but we were running out of time. Each time he came to visit that year, there was always the fear that he would be turned away. The fear I’d feel each time I’d head to the airport and it would disappear the second he came through the gate, and I’d forget about it until the next trip to the airport. Then came the time I visited him in England and I was almost turned back to America, and I just wanted to know we could be together without fear.
Except after the engagement I knew we’d have a new definition of security. I thought, we’ll get married and we’ll never have to worry again! Huzzah! Except, that isn’t really how it works, because you worry where the money will come from for your immigration fees, if you’ll be approved, if you’ll be deported for a speeding ticket, if you’ll forget when you have to re-submit, which countries have the best school system, whose immigration fees/wait times/approval lengths are the best, who has the best health care, the most job opportunities, where to get pregnant. The list seriously never ends.
We have at least the illusion of security, the self imposed mantra of “if we pay the money, and wait long enough - we’ll be okay”. So many couples don’t have that and I get so upset when I hear about bi-national homosexual couples and the tough decisions they have to face. Getting a visa is hard, SO HARD. The easiest way is to marry a citizen, and if you’ve followed this blog then you know that that “easy process” is anything but. So imagine, you’re in a country where you have no legal bond to your partner (likely the reason you’re in this country), and your status still depends on the whim of an immigration officer. Your entire life can be ripped away by a stamp.
When I saw this post I asked twochicksnest if I could repost it. I hope you read this post with an open heart, and to place yourself in this couples shoes. It broke my heart to read their words, because I know only a fraction of an ounce of their fear and their desire for security.
It Puts our Kids in Jeopardy
Steve Boullianne is a U.S. citizen, Olivier De Wulf Belgian. “Of the twelve years we have been together,” Olivier told us when we interviewed them in their San Francisco home, “about eight have been full of questions.”
Where are we going to live, what are we going to do? I need to wake up and know this is my bed, this is where I live. I am isolating myself from the threat now-living for today and trying not to think too far. But I know there is something ahead. There is school for the kids-Laurent starts kindergarten next year. And if we are to move, it is better to do it before he starts school than when he is in fifth or sixth grade.
Olivier and Steve had adopted two young children-Laurent, five, and Patrice, four-jointly under California law. However, they faced a crisis with the looming expiration of Olivier’s work visa, due to run out in 2006. Olivier feared it would never be renewed; after September 11, he came to Homeland Security’s suddenly intensified attention, because of an old and inadvertent overstay from the 1990s which had remained in government records. “Each time I leave the country, I am not sure what is going to happen,” he says. “I am not sure I can re-enter without a problem.”
The two considered moving to Belgium, which at first seemed entirely welcoming-it had opened marriage to same-sex couples in 2003. But then they discovered the catch-a Kafkaesque twist that meant their relationship might be safe, but their children endangered. “We could marry in Belgium,” Olivier explains,
But Belgium allowed marriage with an exception: it did not allow same-sex couples to adopt. So our adoption of the kids will not be recognized in Belgium. If we took our children to Belgium, in ninety days they would become illegal there. They could be deported after that.
This was two years ago. We talked to a Belgian lawyer, and with the lawyer we met the parchet, the institution that tries to figure out how a law will be interpreted. He told us: there is no way to read the law in a way that will allow the kids to be interpreted as yours.
For Steve it is different, he is American and American law should apply. So the children would be his under American law. But Belgium could say they do not want to recognize the birth certificate because there are two men. There is a Belgian law that says that a birth certificate cannot have more than one man or more than one woman on it. If it does, it is nullified, without value. This is to ensure that adoption by gay parents should not be recognized.
Olivier is in the United States on an investor’s visa, having started his own firm. In 2002, he returned to Belgium for what was supposed to be a routine renewal, but because the business had shrunk in the Bay Area’s economic crisis, the U.S. consulate denied the visa on a technicality. Although it was eventually renewed, Steve remembers this as a crisis that forced them to confront their relationship’s fragility:
When we were in Belgium-I guess there are a few pivotal moments in my life, but this was one-I was walking down the street and Olivier calls me from the American consulate and says, “They’ve revoked my visa.” It didn’t even hit me-I said, are we still leaving in ten days, or do we have to wait a few more days? He said, “No, revoked is revoked, they’ve told me I cannot get back into the United States.” I hung up and said, What is this? We’d lived here years, had kids, a house, friends, jobs, an established life; and he said, “We’re going to have to move to Europe.” And I said, does this mean I have to go back to San Francisco and raise the kids and he visits every so often and we live apart, or does it mean I move to Brussels and start my life over? It means a lot to me. To us. And what about the kids? Maybe changing your life and moving to another place might be fun. But it’s not something you want to have forced on you. Or on your kids.
“My lawyer here told me,” Olivier adds, “that at the [U.S.] consulate, I could never mention that my kids were here.” And Steve continues,
That’s the point of the story. The reason you want to stay here-you have a family, kids, a partner-you can’t describe that. All you can say is, I want to work and pay your country’s taxes. Whereas if you’re straight and have kids all you have to do is say you’re straight and you have kids and a partner. And they support that.
Almost a year after we spoke, the catch-22 dissipated. After tense debate, Belgium’s parliament narrowly voted to allow gay couples to adopt. The family still faced having to leave their U.S. life, though, because their relationship remained unacknowledged there. Steve said bitterly:
I think the last time we checked we had spent $30,000 on Olivier’s visas, including flying, and the lawyers’ fees, and all the court costs, just to stay together … I would love for our family to receive the support, the simple recognition, that heterosexual couples do. Instead of having lawyers and accountants fill in the gap for us. But that’s not a possibility for us now.
Olivier concludes, “It teaches hypocrisy to our kids. We tell them a lot about family, responsibility-and then we have to confront them with the reality: our marriage is not recognized here, our adoption is not recognized in Belgium; the world says differently. And the world’s values are not the ones we want to teach our kids.
From a Human Rights Watch interview with Steve Boullianne and Olivier De Wulf, San Francisco, January 31, 2005.
“Now just to clarify, this interview was from 2005. Since then Belgium has changed it’s archaic adoption laws. However, there are still many countries (e.g. France) that don’t allow gay couples to adopt so this story is not so unusual. For more info on adoption laws and gay couples, go here.”
ps. Just wanted to remind you that multiple studies have shown that was is best for children is a stable two parent household regardless of gender.
Do you remember my brother in law?
Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010He is funny and smart - a winning combination! He has a blog now, and two posts in two days, so much better than I! I recommend you go check out Reason Freely, his freethinking blog. Feel free to send him a few emails to fact check for you 
ps. He actually did not ask me to ask you to send him emails. But I would find it funny, and I am a devious sister in law. muwhahaha.
Do you have a laptop?
Monday, February 1st, 2010If so you should probably get a case for it. Nick surprised me one day last year with this goldfish awesomeness (who doesn’t love a sale?!). It’s shiny and gaudy and I could totes go on the jersey shore with it. Except, the rest of my appearance probably would not fit in…
But recently this gorgeous one popped up on geek in heels!
So, there you have it, do you have a case, and where did you buy yours?
A Beef Virgin
Saturday, January 30th, 2010Not in the sense that I’ve never consumed beef. I did as a child, but I haven’t really had any for 10 years till recently. I’ve discovered that I’m not a big burger fan, but I’m very happy with a steak. I think it’s because I know I’m eating a cow, and a steak is a clear representation of that. I’m clearly eating a slab of muscle from a dead animal. Burgers on the other hand? Ground beef is some strange flesh mush - and it freaks me out.
Maybe one day I’ll eat burgers again, but I’m just not there. I was very nervous to try cooking red meat. It’s something I’ve never done, or even attempted! I have absolutely no frame of reference for how it should be done. What I know about cooking red meat can be summed up as follows:
It’s kind of like when you go for a hair cut, and the stylist is very careful not to cut off too much hair. They keep telling you, “I can always take more off, but I can’t put more back on”. That’s how I feel about red meat. I only purchase high quality, grass-fed, pastured beef directly from the farmer. I can always add more heat but I don’t want to ruin it by over doing it.
This philosophy has served me well, because I made Pioneer Woman’s Steak Bites (using wine at the end) for my cooking with red meat debut. They were delicious. At first, I couldn’t tell if my friends and family were just being polite because they all knew how nervous I was to cook with red meat. After they disappeared quickly, I was pretty sure they were telling the truth.
So, the moral of the story is, don’t be afraid to try something new. What have you tried recently?
ps. Sorry I don’t have any of my own pics, I was too worried about the steak to take them!
I went on a marshmallow kick
Friday, January 29th, 2010I couldn’t stop making them. First I tried them the “That Wife” way, and they were good. Then I tried them the Brownie Points way, and they were (surprisingly) even better! It’s the covering of the pot that makes the difference for the sugar. I made a few for my bee friends:
(bee cutter available at Sur La Table)
Then for Baking Gals with Amy I made a vanilla batch and a peppermint batch. I *may* have used too much peppermint extract, it turns out I needed peppermint oil instead and didn’t run out to buy any. Whoopsies….
But they were pretty and delicious! I made 4 batches in 2 weeks. I think I’m over marshmallows for awhile. Have you ever made them? What’s your method?
An Expat Xmas - in the US
Thursday, January 28th, 2010Christmas is a difficult time for all couples, no matter how near/far your families are to you. My sister and her husband have to careful balance the gluttony of the day, because they’re often eating TWO huge family meals, three if you count our large breakfast. We have to pick a country and stick with it for the holidays, this year we didn’t have a choice as Nick wasn’t allowed to leave the country.
Since it was Nick’s first Christmas away from home I tried to blend our traditions. We still went to midnight mass (mine), but we had a a full English breakfast (his) with cinnabons (mine) on Christmas morning. I secretly ordered a bunch of Christmas crackers so I could surprise him, I baked Yorkshire Puddings, and my sister stealthily made his aunt’s pavlova. Except hers turned out correctly (unlike mine).
I think these traditions are here to stay. Everyone one loved the crackers
and wore their crowns with pride
The yorkshire puddings
and the pavlova rounded out the deserts perfectly.
How did you help your spouse to feel more”at home” on Christmas? Or did your spouse work to make you feel the same way?
DC Meet - up!
Tuesday, January 19th, 2010Calling all MD/DC/VA metro area bees!
Join us for happy hour at Mar de Plata in Dupont Circle at 6:30pm tomorrow!
You’ll see 
and
and
and Tulip’s baby bulb, along with several other brilliant and sassy ladies from the boards. So go ahead, de-lurk and we’ll see you on Thursday!
ps. please comment on the board post or below so Miss Old Town VA will include you in the reservation!
Attempting to Receive a Maryland License, While You Have a Foreign License.
Monday, January 4th, 2010wow. Perhaps it’s because I’m old, but it’s been ages since I’ve given a second thought to my license. Well, aside from the other day when I misplaced it, but that’s not what I’m referring to.
Nick needs a license. Nick needs a Maryland License. Nick now needs to take a 3 hour drug and alcohol test to receive said license. Say what? Nick is 30, I’m pretty sure he knows not to drink and drive at this point. The test is for anyone who hasn’t been licensed in the United States before and this provision somehow stems from the Patriot Act. I’m not entirely sure how, but that’s what the DMV people say.
The only problem? The test is insane. It’s the 2010 equivalent of “Reefer Madness”.
Our favorite gems (of the first 3 pages) included statements such as:
The morning after a bout of heavy alcohol usage many people will complain of headaches, nausea, loss of appetite, shakiness, and muddled thinking. However, these unpleasant feelings appear to deter no one from going on another binge.
One of the top 20 causes of accident injuries is the 12,000 injuries per year blamed on bar stools, which presumably occurred when drinkers occupying the stools fell from them
You are probably wondering what we can teach you about alcohol and drugs that you don’t already know, particularly about alcohol. Some of you think it tastes good.
Resistance to infection is lessened, and death due to tuberculosis and pneumonia is common.
It is a well publicized fact that Heroin is less harmful than Alcohol.
Seriously? I almost understand the idea of this test for young men and women about to test for their license. However, the layout and tone of the prep material is foolish, and personally, I’m not convinced it’s all together fact based. There have got to be better ways of educating our youth (and my husband) about responsible alcohol consumption.
