US meets UK

I spoke with our accountant today, and thankfully Nick won’t have to pay double taxes. Since he will remain a citizen of Her Majesty, and not the US he will file his taxes in the UK.

Thankfully, the US and the UK have laws of reciprocity. Essentially meaning that we don’t have to be taxed twice, though there are several countries where that isn’t the case. Nick will remain in the pension system for the UK, and pay UK taxes - which makes sense considering all his income is British. Whereas I will pay US taxes as usual. He *could* choose to pay US taxes instead of UK, but that appears to make the process 369857698456 more complicated. If he has a US job, with US employers it could make more sense for him to file in the US. Since he doesn’t, we’ll be filing with two countries this year. Or rather, we’ll only be taxed once in each country.

I also worried that we would not count as a married couple this year for tax purposes. I thought this was a bit bogus since the US wouldn’t allow Nick to work here, AND they wanted to shirk my marital tax benefit? Jerks. When you fill out a W-4 it notes that if you are married to a non-resident alien you should file as single. My accountant says not to worry, if you’re married - you’re married. whippee! Our marriage is recognized! Which I can at least say is true of my LGBT friends in DC.. sadly not too many other places. le sigh.

Lesson of the day? Sometimes it’s a good idea to trust an expert and not *gasp* Google.

ps. Have you seen the crazy pants-ness all up on my friend’s formspring? http://www.formspring.me/jennacole Some of the less rabid anti immigration posts have been answered. I don’t know how these people don’t understand that being a lawful permanent resident is within tax law - and isn’t evading anything. I would laugh my butt off if some troll threatened me with an audit because they were so xenophobic. Not to mention, unless they’re a Native American I’m pretty sure they come from a line of immigrants. Paaaaathetic.

I’ve been working on a little side project with formspring - one that is infinitely more entertaining than my own formspring. Which I should probably get around to answering myself. I’m essentially my friend’s question bouncer, she receives nasty, ridiculous questions. Some that are more like comments, as in “you look inbred”. Which, isn’t the case and they’re just trying to be internet douches.  She also, gets many nice comments and questions too!

The point is, I see all the questions and I delete or spam the crazy-pants ones so she doesn’t have to deal with things that are too horrible to repeat here. One question, that is constantly reoccurring is some variation on the theme of “why isn’t your husband a citizen” or “do you think your husband only married you for a green card”. I understand that most people are blissfully ignorant of the US immigration process - I was too until recently! But honestly, why kind of question is the last one!? I don’t go around asking people if they married their spouse so they could have sex with them - why would people ask the later question!? It’s flat out rude and offensive.

When Nick and I were engaged people would ask (or comment on wb) if we were getting married so fast because of immigration. I sort of understand where they are coming from, because maybe that isn’t the path they personally took. I know several people are in much longer relationships before they can commit to marrying the other person, that just wasn’t the case for Nick and I. If I were a snarkier person, I would have replied with “oh, are you getting married NOW because you’re pregnant or something? why aren’t you waiting?”. But I’m not snarkier, and so I said nothing.

Back to the first question. “Why isn’t your husband a citizen”. How freaking ethnocentric can you be!? If you moved to another country would you renounce your American heritage, allegiance and citizenship? It seems doubtful. Why should he!?  Not to mention, the process of becoming a citizen is a huge, expensive, pain.  Nick himself, can’t even apply for citizenship for several years at this point. Perhaps people are asking out of ignorance, or spite, or curiosity. I could attempt to be more gracious, but it’s difficult to be gracious when you’re so insulted.

Maybe in the future I’ll just send people this link.

</rant>

The only perk I can see, is that I don’t have to do the dishes. Thankfully, if I cook - Nick will do the dishes. So, we’ve nipped that problem in the bud.

In reality, there are many reasons, perhaps the largest being that our skill has outpaced our budget. We’ve gotten pretty gosh darn great at cooking meals, but at this moment in time I wouldn’t want to drop $50 per person for a meal. Now that I’ve started to cook meat, we’ve really out paced ourselves. It used to be that we’d go out to dinner and Nick could get all the things that I didn’t know/wouldn’t make at home. Now? I cook the steak, and we’re both eating the same meal.

The other issue, is that for the most part I don’t know where the restaurants are getting their meat from. There are a few restaurants, that will tell you where it comes from, and for that I’m grateful because it prevents me from having to rely on the vegetarian option. Places like the Abbey in Baltimore, or the Founding Farmers in DC supply you with that information. So when I’m home I eat steak, but when I’m out I’m constantly getting the salad or whatever the non-pasta vegetarian option is.

Which brings me back to the beginning - if I can make steak at home for less than I pay to go out and eat vegetables… why should I?

It’s down to just a few items, one is this ring

or… a cheesmaking kit! It would be the ultimate expression of love from my husband - the cheese hater. I think the goat cheese kit would be interesting since a friend already has the kit below. But hey, I don’t look gift cheese kits in the mouth.

What are your ideal gifts?

or this post could be called “Snowsaycanyousee” or “Snowpolcolypse” or “We love being snowed in - in Baltimore”! Nick and I dog sat for our friends in their new house in Baltimore, which means we were lucky enough to play around with these furry pals.

We made pizzas with my best friend and her boyfriend (who also live in federal hill), and had a wonderful time playing RockBand, Taboo and Cranium. MaryBeth and I made a phenomenal team, winning each round we played. This may all be thanks to MaryBeth though, because once we switched to couples Nick and I lost.

After being terrified that they wouldn’t be able to return from their trip to NYC, Holly and Mike (owners/friends of the house we were house sitting) were able to get home a day early thanks to Amtrak. So we hung out with them on Saturday night and shared the joy of digging out our cars. We were freezing!

When Nick and I got home we made a few posh s’mores and snuggled on the couch. <3

What did you do on your snow day?

ps. I know the snow days were foreverrrrr ago, but I hadn’t uploaded my camera!

to encourage you with what could be a new years resolution! Do you remember this post? Probably not - but it made a huge difference in my life!

This is what i looked like when I began training with Robert. In fact, that’s a week or two in, so imagine me larger than that. In fact, imagine me 20-30 pounds heavier like I was in England - but I’m not showing that picture.

Then, after two months of 3x weekly sweat sessions with Robert and my cousin Rachel, plus a pretty clean, mostly vegetarian diet (okay, I admit it, it wasn’t that clean- I stress ate way too often), and extra running/jillian michaels sessions I came to look like this:

(Evan Bishop)

In case you’re  a numbers person that  looks a bit like this:

7/2/09                                                                      8/27/09

157 lbs                                                                147 lbs

Chest 36″                                                             Chest 35.5″

Upper Arm 13″                                                     Upper Arm 12″ (an inch)

Stomach 36.25″                                                    Stomach 30″ (minus 6.25 inches!)

Hips 42.39″                                                          Hips 39″ (minus 3.39 inches)

Thigh 21.50″                                                        Thigh 18.5″ (minus 3 inches)

some of my caliper measurements

7/2/09                                                                       8/3/09

(I was running a tight schedule the day before the wedding and ran out of time to do them on 8/27)

Upper Back 30mm                                               Upper Back 25mm

Above the hip 26mm                                           Above the hip 23mm

Bicep 16mm                                                         Bicep 13mm

Tricep 29mm                                                        Tricep 25mm

Finding a personal trainer was one of the best things I did for the wedding. In fact, I’d say it was the best.  I had gained A LOT of weight in the past few years and didn’t really feel like myself.  Working out with Robert and my cousin Rachel allowed me to win back my strength and that was such an amazing mental and physical gift that I can’t imagine not having on my wedding day.  I literally cried on my last day because I was so thankful for the experience.

I’m sure I could have worked harder, and my result would have been even more impressive.  But I did what I could at the time within the time frame and I’m pleased enough with the result.  I *may* have backslide a bit and gained a few newlywed/newly-tied-to-a-desk pounds but I’ll be starting with Robert once a week to keep me accountable to my personal goals. I’ll let you know how my war with the newlywed weight proceeds.

So, if fitness is a new years resolution for you, I can’t recommend finding a personal trainer fast enough.  Find one you really enjoy spending time with, one that will make you laugh, but also push you till you cry (sometimes).

Is improving your fitness a resolution of yours?

Do you know what today is? It’s my Weddingbee One Year Anniversary! It’s true!

On this day, 365 days ago I began to blog along with the hive.  I was engaged 5 months and had moved to England 15 days earlier.  Looking at back at my first post I couldn’t stop laughing, if only I had known! I joked about folding a million paper flowers, and cutting wine bottles, and creating place holder corks; all projects that would become miniature labors of love. Not to mention all the invitation related projects that I can’t believe I added in along the way!

Looking back from that first post I had so much to learn and share about immigration, name changes, and ultimately deciding what country we’ll reside in (still working on a few all of those). A year ago I had no idea I’d be celebrating our union without my Grandmother, or the profound effect her passing would have on me. Who could have imagined I’d “meet” such wonderful women to invite to our wedding?

I’d also like to confess that it wasn’t for lack of pro pics that I’m starting my recaps now.  Our photographer sent a disk of photos within a month. I hadn’t started because I just wasn’t ready, it’s the same reason I put off watching the Glee finale on Hulu. Once I finish, my tenure will be over, but unlike Glee our wedding won’t magically restart in April and I won’t get to keep blogging consistently with you all. I needed to savor it all just little bit longer, please consider this my apology for not being ready to recap juuuuust yet.

So, to kick off my recaps I’ll begin with a bang.  Here is my favorite photo from our wedding, it captures all the joy of our wedding in a single frame.  If I’m ever feeling low, I just glance over at the framed photo and it buoys my spirits.

Is there a photo you enjoy the most from your wedding, or was it a tough choice?

Last Christmas was oh so very different than all other previous Holidays. I was engaged, and living in England and celebrating my very first Christmas away from home.

At US Christmas - we go to mass on Christmas eve. For UK Christmas we go to the bars. It’s the biggest bar night of the year.  I suppose because they don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, their bar night is around Christmas instead. The first bar we attended was called “The Firken”, which is a re purposed church.  So… I was in Church..but drinking snakebites… and not listening to a sermon.I tried very hard to have a “when in Rome”attitude because I really wanted to experience Nick’s traditions.

I was so committed to the “when in Rome” ‘tude that although I had planned on going to mass Christmas morning, we partied so hard that I slept too late to go. I was absolutely mortified.  After indulging in a full English (vegetarian) Breakfast I gamely tried to tame the unpleasant effects of last night’s “when in rome-ness”.  Because no matter how much you think you can keep up with the English when it comes to drinking - you can’t, so just get that now.

All in all, it was a similar holiday, if a little reorganized on Christmas day. For US Christmas we have immediate family presents in the morning, followed by a gathering of the full family for appetizers, then a full Christmas dinner. For UK Christmas we had immediate family presents int he morning, then everyone came over for Christmas Lunch (also called Dinner, confusing I know), everyone else took a walk (I took a nap) and then we had appetizers (called a buffet) for Dinner.

I tried to skype with my family for their morning present opening - but because I wasn’t there they tossed the tradition out all together! There were no Cinnabons, no small intimate family gathering to open presents - not even Christmas Eve mass! This year, I’m here and I intend to revive all traditions with my presence. I even plan on incorporating a few British style surprises to make Nick feel more at home.

Have you ever tried someone else’s Holiday on for size?

Do you read That Wife? If not, you should.  It’s written by a woman who could arguably be my most favorite e-friend ever, who spent the night before my wedding staying up with me and giggling like school girls at a sleep over.

She recently posted about the gender differences when it comes to Thanksgiving and it definitely gave me pause for thought. In my (relatively) progressive family the gender  chores/roles are becoming blurred as time passes on. For my parents (and Aunts and Uncles), the cooking/cleaning has been done by the women.  When I was a kid, the moms would cook and when we were all old enough the kids (7 girls) would clean up (the men would watch TV).

When Food Network came on the scene and made cooking cool, my dad really took notice.  Now he can whip up culinary delights to rival the best of them. He regularly is in charge of dinner, if not always in charge of the meat part of dinner.  This is probably because it often involves grilling, ooo fire! Or marinades, he’s into those too.  When it comes to Thanksgiving though, my mother is still in charge of choosing which dishes will be made (with my father’s input) and in charge of orchestrating how it will all be pulled off.
Once at Thanksgiving, the men hang out with the Hors d’oeuvres and the television and the younger girls float between there and the kitchen. Again, after dinner the younger girls clean up and ready dessert. Only for the past few years, it’s been a bit different.

Since my sister and I are both married, and I have a cousin who is engaged we have a new crowd of younger men in the ranks.  My sister’s husband, and my husband (and my cousin’s fiancé) both help with the cooking and clean up.  Which is great, because now there are more rotations for the dishes, more people to dry the plates and more (taller) people to put the dishes away. It feels so much more equal around the holidays now than it used to.

I still have Uncles that show up to Thanksgiving, eat and bicker over politics, and that’s their participation in the holiday. The part that irritates me though, is that they have the audacity to ask WHY our husbands are helping.  As if it’s so foreign to them that me would help with the dishes. I feel like every holiday, no matter how “advanced” the older generation of men seem, they revert back to the expectations of gender roles from their childhood.
What are the gender roles in your holiday experiences?