US meets UK

Have you read this article yet? No, go read it, I’ll wait for you to read all 6 pages.

Yesterday I received my baby fix. We were at my cousin Megan’s house and their friend had his baby over. She was just 2 months old and at that stage where she isn’t too picky about who holds her. It’s funny how babies have the ability to make you feel like a monster pariah-WHAT?! YOU WON’T LET ME, A STRANGER, HOLD YOU!? JERK! I don’t know why baby rejection makes people feel so bad, it just does. But thankfully, this baby loved me and that of course, made me feel great. This baby loves me, ME! ME! ME! ME!

(I’m self-banned from touching babies-this is what they do to me)

I had started to read this article that afternoon, but only hopped onto page three before we left. So while I held, coddled and cooed stranger baby into loving me, I couldn’t help but think about it. Additionally, since I had only reached page three I didn’t have (ha) the full story.

I thought about how of course she was great at 2 months… but what about the future? I’m so empathetic I cry at hallmark commercials, I can’t even watch war movies because they affect me for days. How on earth will I be able to relate to my child’s successes and failure without losing my mind?

After reading the last page I think the takeaway is this (from Tom Gilovich)”Should you value moment-to-moment happiness more than retrospective evaluations of your life?” This is important, because as a parent it appears that your moment to moment happiness is lessened by children, but that your retrospective evaluations of your life are pretty great.

As someone who literally went from saying “I like other people’s kids, but am unsure about having my own” to “ooooo! Baby! ME HOLD BABY?!” I’m just not sure what my answer is in regards to children. When you have children, you give up so much for them. I wonder if I will ever feel it is the right time. Will we ever have “enough” money? Will I ever lose “enough” weight to become pregnant?

Not to mention, deciding which country to raise children in. Talk about a big decision! Hypothetically speaking, say we decide which country to have them in, are we tied to our familial geographical locations? Can we raise our nonexistent kids on our own, without familial help? Would we even want to? My cousins, aunts, uncles and certainly grandparents were a large part of my upbringing. I can’t imagine life without them. Will our kids have to? Will they know the close ties that cousins can provide?

When it comes to kids, there are too many questions and not enough answers.

ps. Sorry this post is old, but I am clearing out my drafts!

Even if it’s a great price and is completely adorable.

Just because it’s on a target block, with incentives to purchase and renovate…. and my dad is a contractor, and we have a great handy support system of people who could help us…. that’s no reason to buy…right? right?

F bombs. We have a 3 year plan, one that doesn’t include buying a house-but does include moving to another country. Of course, like any plan worth it’s salt, it’s liable to change at any moment. But still. I will not buy a house. I will not buy a house.

Are you a renter? Home owner? Do you have house lust?

Is only bound to get worse! Nick and I have been on a roller coaster of apartment hunting. We finally found the place we wanted and without a minute to spare - this is our only “free” weekend till June! The landlord said he’d sen the lease on Sunday, but we didn’t receive it till Thursday! So we signed yesterday, and are moving in today. Instead of packing right now, I’m blogging - go figure.

If it makes you feel better, instead of packing, Nick is watching the Man Utd. and Chelsea match. I don’t know how we’re going to get it together enough to pack. WHY is this move so exciting for us?

WE HAVE NEVER LIVED ALONE TOGETHER.

That, and the fact that my commute will be cut from almost 1.5 hours each way to approximately 20 minutes each way…  Nick and I lived with 5 roommates in  house in Miami. Then we moved in our families, and NOW since Nick has his green card (he got it in January- I SWEAR I’ll write about it!) we can move without fear of denial and having to move to England instead. We’ve been together since March 2008 and have lived with others since we moved in together (May 2008). Holy cow… we’ve lived with others for over 2 years… hence…

Yippee!

BUT. Did you know that the internet/cable people take ages to come out!? I don’t know how we’ll survive without internet. sigh. Do you think the Library of Congress has wifi? we’ll be so close perhaps we’ll pop over there?

(source)

In any case, I promise I’ll be back to blogging full time when we have internet and I wanted to say how grateful I am that you’re here. I appreciate it that you subscribe, or that you visit the site. Thank you so much for being here.

ps. Have you and your partner ever lived with parents or roommates? Are we alone in this?

I spoke with our accountant today, and thankfully Nick won’t have to pay double taxes. Since he will remain a citizen of Her Majesty, and not the US he will file his taxes in the UK.

Thankfully, the US and the UK have laws of reciprocity. Essentially meaning that we don’t have to be taxed twice, though there are several countries where that isn’t the case. Nick will remain in the pension system for the UK, and pay UK taxes - which makes sense considering all his income is British. Whereas I will pay US taxes as usual. He *could* choose to pay US taxes instead of UK, but that appears to make the process 369857698456 more complicated. If he has a US job, with US employers it could make more sense for him to file in the US. Since he doesn’t, we’ll be filing with two countries this year. Or rather, we’ll only be taxed once in each country.

I also worried that we would not count as a married couple this year for tax purposes. I thought this was a bit bogus since the US wouldn’t allow Nick to work here, AND they wanted to shirk my marital tax benefit? Jerks. When you fill out a W-4 it notes that if you are married to a non-resident alien you should file as single. My accountant says not to worry, if you’re married - you’re married. whippee! Our marriage is recognized! Which I can at least say is true of my LGBT friends in DC.. sadly not too many other places. le sigh.

Lesson of the day? Sometimes it’s a good idea to trust an expert and not *gasp* Google.

ps. Have you seen the crazy pants-ness all up on my friend’s formspring? http://www.formspring.me/jennacole Some of the less rabid anti immigration posts have been answered. I don’t know how these people don’t understand that being a lawful permanent resident is within tax law - and isn’t evading anything. I would laugh my butt off if some troll threatened me with an audit because they were so xenophobic. Not to mention, unless they’re a Native American I’m pretty sure they come from a line of immigrants. Paaaaathetic.

We rented Julie & Julia from Redbox the other night, and I was sorely disappointed. As much as I love Amy Adams and Meryl Streep, I couldn’t love the characters. That’s unfair, I liked Julia Child and I identified with her as a trailing spouse and an expat - but i couldn’t stomach Julie Powell.

I was however, inspired to attempt boeuf bourguignon. The reason cooking beef and other meat dishes is difficult for me is that I have no frame of reference. I’ve never had boeuf bourguignon, so I have no idea how it’s supposed to taste, or what the final product should be.  I wanted to use the Julia Child recipe, but I also wanted to cook it in a clay pot. Clay pots (romertopfs) are amazing, if you cook meat (or even veg) you should certainly invest in one. It cooks the food faster, infuses it with more juice and in general enriches the flavor of your food.

(source)

Which is how I came to make the boeuf bourguignon as if Julia Child were actually from Africa, and used a clay pot. I also put more veggies in than she called for, one carrot?! Pish posh, put in three.

(not my boeuf bourguignon… my carrots were smaller…)

So, in case you want to make my franken boeuf bourguignon this is how it goes. There are no pictures, because I was too concerned about messing up to take them. I also used cornstarch instead of flour because my mother can’t consume gluten. So, feel free to change that. I made the beef stock the night before, using 3 lbs of soup bones, some carrots, carrot tops, leeks and onions that I roasted before sticking in a slow cooker, I may have added wine to it as well, I can’t remember anymore!

In case you’re getting into making your own stocks you should know this. Chicken stock is waaaaaay easier to make than beef stock. It isn’t that beef stock is complicated per say, it’s just that Chicken is easier. Or rather, that beef is more involved-you need to be involved with your beef stock.

So,  let’s pretend your stock is made and skimmed and in the fridge awaiting your return. And yesterday you put in your 3lbs of beef cubes in a bag with red wine. Or do it that morning because your forgot… it’s your choice. You’ve also soaked your clay pot for at least 20 min.  Grab a burgundy wine or, a pinot noir, pour yourself a glass.

Clean and chop your carrots into little circles, and strip your pearl onions of their skins. Rub your mushrooms, remove the stalks and chop in half. Put the carrots and onions to the side, put the mushrooms to the side, but separate.

Cut your bacon into tiny strips, Julia says to take the rind off, but this caused me to massacre the bacon, in the future I won’t be derinding. Cut them into lardons, aka sticks. Pat your beef with paper towels and then in small batches powder them with cornstarch (or flour). Plop in 2Tbs of olive oil to your pan and bang the bacon, with some of the powdered beef cubes in as well. Let them brown on all sides and remove to your clay pot. The flour/cornstarch allows the beef to create a little crust.

Once you’ve finished with the beef braising, toss your onions and carrots into the pan you’ve just been using.  Add more bacon fat or butter as needed. Season your beef with salt and pepper. Add tomato paste to the clay pot/beef, about a 1/2 tablespoon. Crush 3 cloves of garlic, and add a teaspoon of fresh thyme to the pot. Crumple a bay leaf while you’re at it and pop a clove in.

Once you’ve browned all the onions and carrots add them to the clay pot. Repeat with the mushrooms, but use more butter instead of bacon fat. Pour in 2 cups of the red wine, and 1 cup of the stock.  If you have room, add a bit more stock - I did not have room. So now I have lots of extra beef stock, gluten free french onion soup perhaps?

Stick it in the oven at 450 for an hour and half. Julia Child’s recipe calls for several hours, but I’m into instant gratification and an hour and half is about all I could wait for. Nick roasted potatoes, my mother made a fantastic field greens/berry salad and a brilliant pavlova to accompany the meal.  Our Sunday Dinners have stepped up to a new level.

What is a recipe you’ve challenged yourself with lately?

Do you know what a pavlova is? It’s Nick’s favorite dessert, and I attempted to make it for him a few months ago. This is what a pavlova should look like:

This is what mine looked like before it went into the oven:

This is what it looked like when it came out of the oven:

Pavlova FAIL. Instead of attempting it myself again, I’ve farmed out the work to my sister and mother. Both of their (non chocolate) pavlovas have turned out great. I’m still gun shy though - I don’t want to fail so hard again!

What’s been your biggest dessert (or cooking) FAIL?

Last Christmas was oh so very different than all other previous Holidays. I was engaged, and living in England and celebrating my very first Christmas away from home.

At US Christmas - we go to mass on Christmas eve. For UK Christmas we go to the bars. It’s the biggest bar night of the year.  I suppose because they don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, their bar night is around Christmas instead. The first bar we attended was called “The Firken”, which is a re purposed church.  So… I was in Church..but drinking snakebites… and not listening to a sermon.I tried very hard to have a “when in Rome”attitude because I really wanted to experience Nick’s traditions.

I was so committed to the “when in Rome” ‘tude that although I had planned on going to mass Christmas morning, we partied so hard that I slept too late to go. I was absolutely mortified.  After indulging in a full English (vegetarian) Breakfast I gamely tried to tame the unpleasant effects of last night’s “when in rome-ness”.  Because no matter how much you think you can keep up with the English when it comes to drinking - you can’t, so just get that now.

All in all, it was a similar holiday, if a little reorganized on Christmas day. For US Christmas we have immediate family presents in the morning, followed by a gathering of the full family for appetizers, then a full Christmas dinner. For UK Christmas we had immediate family presents int he morning, then everyone came over for Christmas Lunch (also called Dinner, confusing I know), everyone else took a walk (I took a nap) and then we had appetizers (called a buffet) for Dinner.

I tried to skype with my family for their morning present opening - but because I wasn’t there they tossed the tradition out all together! There were no Cinnabons, no small intimate family gathering to open presents - not even Christmas Eve mass! This year, I’m here and I intend to revive all traditions with my presence. I even plan on incorporating a few British style surprises to make Nick feel more at home.

Have you ever tried someone else’s Holiday on for size?

Usually, if you’re an international couple, and you’d like to stay together after you get married you have to file for an AOS.  This stands for “Adjustment of Status”, we need to adjust Mr.D’s status from fiance to spouse! But wait you say, “I thought you guys were married, I’ve seen the photos!” But for the US government a marriage certificate from a municipality just isn’t enough.

You’ve been with the D’orsays through the K1 Fiance Visa Process and I’m happy that the hive will be along with us as we continue attempting to stay together despite the governmental roadblocks.

First, we made another ginormo packet of personal info. As for what goes into the packet? That info can be found here. Mr.D realized that he needed his previous vaccination form transcribed by a civil surgeon on the the I-693 form to be included in this packet so he searched high and low to find a doctor who could do that. Prices ranged from $25 to $100! So be sure to shop around if you to do this, some doctors also told us that he needed another full medical exam.  In our case this was FALSE and in our opinion, the offices were either misinformed or attempting to make more money off us. Mr.D could have had his vaccines done at the doctor approved by the US government in London, but it would have cost even more money! So he had them done free on the NHS, only to find he had to pay for a doctor to transcribe the form here.

We sent off a wedding gift of $1,010 (*gasp…choke choke*) to the government (on 10/1) and waited. We received the usual “we got it” receipt (on 10/6) from the government and waited some more. We sent the package off in late September and on October 16th were sent a letter letting Mr.D know where and when to go for his biometrics (fingerprinting) appointment (rescheduled for 11/20). A week or two after we received that letter we received another letting us know our case had been sent to California (10/26).

Having our case in California means there is a slight chance that we get to skip the interview portion of the AOS and skip straight to the swim suit competition. Mr.D also applied for an EAD (authorization to be employed) and that should be coming soon. Here is a general timeline for the EAD from Visa Journey. Another approval you can file for is advanced parole, my understanding is that the advanced parole is supposed to be used if you have any specific travel dates that take you out of the country. We didn’t apply for this at the time, because we didn’t have any specific travel dates.

So where are we now? The D’orsays are waiting on our EAD to come. We don’t feel we have any hopes for knowing when our AOS will be complete as most people say it can take anywhere from months to years (fingers crossed for months!). So I try not to worry about it. Maybe we’ll do an interview, maybe we won’t. The process isn’t very transparent, and that part is amazingly frustrating. So the D’orsays just check out mail, take lots of photos together and wait.

Anyone else in the process?

D’orsay immigration posts

Post 1

Post 2

Post 3

Post 4

Post 5

Post 6

Post 7

Post 8

and omigod this post you’re reading is post 9!!!

So, I go to other blogs, and I see people with little cutesy award squares - but I’ve never been tagged with one till now! What’s worse?  The lovely girl who tagged me had to notify me because I’ve been SO remiss on catching up with blogs since I’ve been back in the states.  No more I say!

It was super nice of her to tag me, so now I shall return the favor.  Eve said I had to name 6 of my favorite unimportant things.  When I thought about this, it was hard to delineate between what was important/unimportant - if it’s my favorite wouldn’t it be important? So I began with Junk Food, because while I have favorites I think Junk Food is pretty unimportant.

1. Favorite Fast Food Chain - Taco Bell

2. All time favorite fast food item - Cheesy Gordita Crunch with beans instead of beef

3. Favorite Doughnut - Boston Creme

4. Favorite McDonald’s menu item - egg ‘n cheese mcmuffin

5. Favorite Sub - Quiznos Veggie

6. Favorite UK Junk Food - Cadburysapricotandcrumblecrunchbaryorkshirepuddingstickytoffeepudding

(if i don’t put any spaces it counts as a singular item right?)

Okay…I failed, I tried to think of things other than fast food, but they all seemed important! Fave shoes, Fave airline (domestic and international), fave veterinarian?

Who shall I tag?

Kasia @ Good Finking

Emily @ Oh! Apostrophe

Cautionary Gril @ Cautionary Blog (her posts are password protected, but I think she’s a pretty tough cookie, or maybe a cookie who was crumbled but is reassembling herself and is amazing for not staying crumbled?)

Stephanie @ lustrous owl

3 anonymous awesome American ladies @ She’s not from yorkshire

Kristina @ So I was thinking…

Thanks ladies, for supplying me with thought provoking words!

I’ve never won the lottery, but I imagine the feeling is similar. I woke up early 2 days after I flew back to America, partly from jet-lag and partly from excitement.  Mr.D’s interview with the Embassy occurred only 2 short days after I left England. As you know, he (we) were approved!

I asked Mr. D to write up his account so that if you’re going through this process maybe this will help ease your fears and frustrations.  You can also find several personal accounts on VisaJourney.com under embassy reviews.

“My appointment was scheduled for 9.00am, but I was reliably informed by Miss D’orsay that there would be a queue, so I should get there early. I duly set my alarm for 6.00am, with a plan of getting to the embassy around 8.00am to scope out the situation. You may think 2 hours is a long time to get ready, but I had to  drop off my bags as, inconveniently, the embassy does not allow you to take backpacks/suitcases or any electronic devices (including mobile phones) into the building. Unfortunately, it was at the point I realised my first FAIL — I would no longer have a concept of time without my phone.

I arrived at the embassy, and there was a small queue, so I asked someone for the time. It was 8.15am, and I remember that my letter stated that I would not be allowed into the embassy more than 30 mins before my scheduled time. I decided to take my chances and joined the back of the queue.

On joining the queue, there was a notice saying I should have the following documents ready:

- Appointment Letter
- Photographs
- Form DS-156
- Receipt

I wasn’t exactly sure what the receipt was, but I gathered my documents and shifted up the line. Once I got to the front, the nice lady glanced at my appointment letter, asked me if I had a mobile phone with me, and then sent me off to the next checkpoint, where again I needed my appointment letter and also my passport. I produced the documents to the nice gentleman, who then instructed me to go to the next checkpoint. I was then beckoned to enter the perimeter security office where all my belongings were sent through an airport scanning device.

A short walk around the side of the building led me inside to the reception area. I showed the lady my appointment letter and in return she handed me a sticker, which has the number 5012 printed on it (it also has the time; it’s 8.23am). This was now my “number” and she instructed me to go into the waiting room and wait for my number to be called. In the waiting room there were lots of people (maybe a few hundred at least) and some large TV screens, with numbers flashing up on them (think Argos if you’re from the UK! {or the DMV if you’re American} ). Each time a number flashed up, it was accompanied by an automated voice over stating the ticket number and which desk to go to; there are 25 desks. This is where I realise my second FAIL — I’ve left my glasses in my luggage. I sat near the front and waited patiently, for my number to come up. I’d say that after about an hour (remember, I have no watch and there are no clocks in the waiting room) I get called to desk 14. I make my way around and I’m greeted by the officer, who is sitting behind a glass window, he asks for my passport and then goes off into the back to retrieve my file. Once he gets back with my file, he asks me to go to window 12 to pay the $131 processing fee. I do this and return with a receipt to give to the officer. He then asked me for the following documents:

- Birth Certificate
- Police Record
- Support Documents (I-134 etc.)
- Photographs x 2

He puts all these documents in the file and then asks me a few questions about how many times I’ve travelled to the US. He then asks me if I have any more documentation relating to the support from my fiancee’s mother (who is co-sponsoring). I don’t have anything else (I believe I’ve provided everything), so he decides to inform me that “he hopes the interviewing office doesn’t have a problem with this”.

He then instructs me to return to the waiting room and wait for my number to be called again. Now I’m really nervous, thanks. Another hour passes, my number flashed up and I make my way to desk 15. On my arrival the interviewing officer was speaking to her colleague — I was worried they were discussing my “missing” support documents!

The interviewing officer seems nice and I began to feel a little more relaxed. She then says that she needs Miss D’orsay to fill out the I-134 form, which they don’t have (and presumably my visa will not be issued). But I had given them that document (and I have a backup copy in my folder)! I tell her and she re-checks her file and it’s there! She tears up a blue sheet of paper and puts it in the bin — I think I’m back in business for my visa!! She then asks me a few questions:

- Where did you meet your fiancee?
- When did you start dating?
- When did you get engaged?
- Tell me about the proposal?
- What does your fiancee do for a living?
- What do you do for a living?
- Is that what you intend to do for work in the US?

All the questions are asked in an informal manner, and I take the time to answer and chat informally. I then had to raise my right hand and swear that all the information that I had submitted was accurate and true. And that was it, she told me that the visa had been approved!! The officer gave me a pink form to fill in and take to the courier desk where I had to pay my £14.20 for the visa to be sent back to me. I also took the opportunity to ask the courier desk what time it was — it was 11.15am, so I was in there almost 3 hours. And that was it, I was on my way… singing, dancing, running… as I needed to get back to Euston to retrieve my phone to call Miss D’orsay to tell her the good news!”

There ya have it, and a few days later he received his passport in the mail with the K1 inside! The US government approves of our relationship!