US meets UK

of 2011! Ha, have I taught you nothing? This is a process that never ends, it goes on and on my friends….

We’re about to remove the conditions on Mr.D’s provisional green card/permanent resident card. That’s right, we’re in a provisional marriage. Our learner’s permit of matrimony if you will. Basically, to ensure that you’re not in a sham marriage (and I assume, to collect further revenue) after you receive the K-1 (fiance visa), then after you are married and complete the adjustment of status you receive a provisional green card – valid for 2 years from receiving the card. In our case this is January 2010, so when the government refers to anniversaries… they mean when you received your card – not your wedding anniversary.

You can apply for your 10 year card as soon as 90 days before your expiry date. For the past year or so, I’ve been having flashbacks to our engagement year. Moments such as, “oh, we should save a holiday card to send to the government” or “don’t forget a picture of the two of us, we need evidence!”.  If you don’t submit the forms, evidence of your relationship and $590… you get deported. So obviously this needs to be completed.

It’s a stressful situation for so many reasons, but it’s also a strange position to find yourself in.  Trying to view your relationship as an outsider, making sure you look like a real couple, proving to someone you’ll never meet that you are a couple in a real marriage. I’ll be collecting the financial statements saying our bank accounts are intertwined, and plane tickets to show we go places together- because I have to. But I hate this process, I hate that it makes me feel that the burden of proof is on us, that it costs so much money that it is never ending.

I hate that I have to try and and plan our vacation before December 31, 2011 – because if we don’t receive something from the government saying that Mr.D can travel-we’ll be on the lower 48 lockdown and unable to leave (really it’s the return part) to the USA. I hate that I have to plan and save for fees I’ve already paid (do they really think his biomentrics/fingerprints have changed in 2 years).  I hate that I have to go through all this while watching other married friends never worry about such things.

We’ve sent the paperwork to Vermont (our filing service center) and have received the receipt and his appointment for re-fingerprinting. After that, we wait for the next instructions from the government.

D’orsay immigration posts:

Post 1
Post 2
Post 3
Post 4
Post 5
Post 6
Post 7
Post 8
Post 9

Sweet baby J – you’re on post 10!

WHAT A HARD SECRET TO KEEP! We decided on December 1st to go to England for Christmas. You only live once right? We bought our tickets, but decided to keep it a surprise. Little did we know that trains don’t run on Christmas morning, so we waited until the 23rd to ask Nick’s brother for a ride from the airport. We were having such a difficult time keeping it to ourselves, we didn’t want to burden him with the secret for longer!

Everyone was well and truly shocked and we were so happy to be with everyone! I foolishly forgot to tote my camera around the first several days, so I only have pictures from the last few. I lost my point and shoot, so carrying around a dSLR is a bit of a pain, even if mine is tiny. Plus, I’m still learning so it takes me 4856837 as many shots to get one I semi-like.

Photos missing of actual Christmas day (so much excitement), Boxing Day (so much lounging), Shopping Day (so much Primark), dinner in Lancaster night, coffee at the midland in Morecombe, tasty curry from BarBar Elephant (I ate my jalfrezi without a thought to a photo). I had so much fun with Nick’s family that I’m not sure if I even had the photos, if it would accurately convey how great our visit was.

I took my old walk around the village

said hello to the horses and sheep I had missed

took in picturesque views

we played the HILARIOUSLY FUN Just Dance 2 on the wii

Ate almost 2 of these

Visited with adorable and fun godsons

And dined on fish and chips with dandelion and burdock on our last night

What did you do for Christmas? Any surprises?

Nick and I have been enjoying our temporary break from USCIS paperwork over the past 12 months (with the exception of filling out a painless change of address form). However, since I am an obsessive planner type.. I sometimes like to check in and see how everything fits together. So to date, we’ve already spent about $2,000 on immigration (USCIS fees, plus all the traveling to London and extra costs for the fiancé visa medical, etc) and we’ll have to set aside another $1270 for the next 2 years.

$590 in October for the restrictions on Nick’s conditional permanent resident card to be lifted (after you marry you are granted a 2 year card, but you have to apply 90 days prior to it’s expiration). Then $680 for Nick to apply to be a citizen in January 2013.

Then for the UK, we’ll need to set aside £750 (about $1,181 at this moment in time). The process is easier, and less expensive, if we’ve been married for four years prior to moving to England, so August 2013 will mark four years for Nick and I. Otherwise we move there and received a two year provisional stay, and pay again in two years.

I don’t even know how much it will cost me to apply for citizenship there.. because at the moment my brain is fried from immigration/ £/$/citizenship research. We will pay it though, because once we’re citizens of both countries we’ll be able to move back and forth more easily, and for myself I receive all the EU benefits (let’s move somewhere warm!).

The most bonkers part of this (to me at least) is that in 2013 I’ll be 29, and celebrating my 30th birthday in England. WHERE WILL WE HAVE BABIES ?!!?!? {cue irrational freak out}

Is… confusing? difficult? annoying?

Establishing credit for anyone is a pain, but when you’re fresh to the US AND your business/self-employment is based in the UK? It’s downright impossible. I can see why a bank wouldn’t want to give Nick a chance, he’s lived at 2 residences in the US, each for about 6 months. He hasn’t filed a US tax return, and doesn’t have a US employer.

We’ve tried to switch to Ally bank, but they didn’t approve him for a checking and savings account. NOT A CREDIT LINE, but a bank account. So it looks like for now, we’re still stuck with Bank of America.

I just applied for a travel rewards card since I travel for work, and travel is what we save and spend most often.  I foolishly listed him as a cardholder, vs a co-borrower. Which means that this card STILL isn’t helping him to establish credit. I think after we use the card for 3-6 months we’ll see if Discover will change him to co-borrower status.

I don’t want a another credit card. The only reason we chose the Discover Miles card is that we will be paying the balance off, and we have so many travel related expenses – why not receive rewards for them?

I’m so frustrated with this whole situation. Since we aren’t planning on buying a house or car or needing a loan anytime soon I suppose it doesn’t matter that his excellent credit rating didn’t follow him over the Atlantic. I’m just so irritated with the whole thing, everything related to immigration is a pain!

How did you establish credit?

So many people are passionate about home buying, and it’s easy to get caught up in the excitement. For us however, buying a house just isn’t in the picture and I doubt it will be for a very long time. People are always telling us to buy, even though it makes zero sense for our lifestyle.

1. We are nomads: We just moved from Baltimore to DC, and enjoy the sense of freedom renting provides. This is especially true if we move back to England. If we bought a house in either country, we’d be stuck with a house we’d have to either try to sell or rent out. Both options are a hassle.

2. We live in an expensive area: We are truly saving money by renting. There is NO WAY we could afford to live in the area we do if we purchased a home. I love our neighborhood; I live 4 blocks from the capitol, 1.5 blocks from a metro station, I’m insanely close to 3 nice parks (>2 blocks any direction) and a short walk from a great weekend market.

3. I like not worrying about things like maintenance, utilities and taxes. Owning a home is more expensive than it appears: Someone else shovels my sidewalk, and prunes the garden in front of our apartment. Our stove had an issue, I emailed our landlord and someone is coming to fix it. I don’t have to worry about replacing water heaters, air conditioners, etc. I don’t pay property taxes and I don’t worry about fluctuating utility costs.

Also, since it’s a law in DC that new paint must be applied in between renters – our landlord let us pick out the paint and hired painters. Our apartment is covered in beautiful Benjamin Moore paint that I neither had to pay for outright, or apply.

4. Renting helps me to live with a more minimalist approach to life: Everything I buy – I will have to move. I actually love my kindle even more after moving, I won’t have to unpack 100+ books!

5. If we need to downgrade – or want to upgrade, it’s easier! If our financial circumstances shift, we’ll be able to shift with them. Since Nick is freelance, this really works to our benefit.  Yes, we can and should, buy a house (or rent an apartment) we can easily afford, but in this case I’m not referring to just a temporary loss of employment, what happens if Nick or I develop a catastrophic illness or have a serious accident?

6. I’m not comfortable getting into long term relationships (mortgage) in uncertain conditions (housing market): Until we make our last payment, the bank still owns our house no matter what.  We can take the money that would otherwise go into equity and invest it, or place it in a high yield savings account. If we ever decide which country (let alone state or metro area!) we want to live in long term, then we can use part of our savings to purchase a house.

Our situation is not conventional, and most people probably have a different outcome for themselves. I’m not saying that renting is (for everyone) better than buying-but it is the right decision for us. Also, I am certainly not saying our choice is right for everyone, or I know better. Owning a dog is a large expense, and the benefits are not quantifiable-and yet-I still want one!

Have you read this article yet? No, go read it, I’ll wait for you to read all 6 pages.

Yesterday I received my baby fix. We were at my cousin Megan’s house and their friend had his baby over. She was just 2 months old and at that stage where she isn’t too picky about who holds her. It’s funny how babies have the ability to make you feel like a monster pariah-WHAT?! YOU WON’T LET ME, A STRANGER, HOLD YOU!? JERK! I don’t know why baby rejection makes people feel so bad, it just does. But thankfully, this baby loved me and that of course, made me feel great. This baby loves me, ME! ME! ME! ME!

(I’m self-banned from touching babies-this is what they do to me)

I had started to read this article that afternoon, but only hopped onto page three before we left. So while I held, coddled and cooed stranger baby into loving me, I couldn’t help but think about it. Additionally, since I had only reached page three I didn’t have (ha) the full story.

I thought about how of course she was great at 2 months… but what about the future? I’m so empathetic I cry at hallmark commercials, I can’t even watch war movies because they affect me for days. How on earth will I be able to relate to my child’s successes and failure without losing my mind?

After reading the last page I think the takeaway is this (from Tom Gilovich)”Should you value moment-to-moment happiness more than retrospective evaluations of your life?” This is important, because as a parent it appears that your moment to moment happiness is lessened by children, but that your retrospective evaluations of your life are pretty great.

As someone who literally went from saying “I like other people’s kids, but am unsure about having my own” to “ooooo! Baby! ME HOLD BABY?!” I’m just not sure what my answer is in regards to children. When you have children, you give up so much for them. I wonder if I will ever feel it is the right time. Will we ever have “enough” money? Will I ever lose “enough” weight to become pregnant?

Not to mention, deciding which country to raise children in. Talk about a big decision! Hypothetically speaking, say we decide which country to have them in, are we tied to our familial geographical locations? Can we raise our nonexistent kids on our own, without familial help? Would we even want to? My cousins, aunts, uncles and certainly grandparents were a large part of my upbringing. I can’t imagine life without them. Will our kids have to? Will they know the close ties that cousins can provide?

When it comes to kids, there are too many questions and not enough answers.

ps. Sorry this post is old, but I am clearing out my drafts!

Even if it’s a great price and is completely adorable.

Just because it’s on a target block, with incentives to purchase and renovate…. and my dad is a contractor, and we have a great handy support system of people who could help us…. that’s no reason to buy…right? right?

F bombs. We have a 3 year plan, one that doesn’t include buying a house-but does include moving to another country. Of course, like any plan worth it’s salt, it’s liable to change at any moment. But still. I will not buy a house. I will not buy a house.

Are you a renter? Home owner? Do you have house lust?

Is only bound to get worse! Nick and I have been on a roller coaster of apartment hunting. We finally found the place we wanted and without a minute to spare – this is our only “free” weekend till June! The landlord said he’d sen the lease on Sunday, but we didn’t receive it till Thursday! So we signed yesterday, and are moving in today. Instead of packing right now, I’m blogging – go figure.

If it makes you feel better, instead of packing, Nick is watching the Man Utd. and Chelsea match. I don’t know how we’re going to get it together enough to pack. WHY is this move so exciting for us?

WE HAVE NEVER LIVED ALONE TOGETHER.

That, and the fact that my commute will be cut from almost 1.5 hours each way to approximately 20 minutes each way…  Nick and I lived with 5 roommates in  house in Miami. Then we moved in our families, and NOW since Nick has his green card (he got it in January- I SWEAR I’ll write about it!) we can move without fear of denial and having to move to England instead. We’ve been together since March 2008 and have lived with others since we moved in together (May 2008). Holy cow… we’ve lived with others for over 2 years… hence…

Yippee!

BUT. Did you know that the internet/cable people take ages to come out!? I don’t know how we’ll survive without internet. sigh. Do you think the Library of Congress has wifi? we’ll be so close perhaps we’ll pop over there?

(source)

In any case, I promise I’ll be back to blogging full time when we have internet and I wanted to say how grateful I am that you’re here. I appreciate it that you subscribe, or that you visit the site. Thank you so much for being here.

ps. Have you and your partner ever lived with parents or roommates? Are we alone in this?

I spoke with our accountant today, and thankfully Nick won’t have to pay double taxes. Since he will remain a citizen of Her Majesty, and not the US he will file his taxes in the UK.

Thankfully, the US and the UK have laws of reciprocity. Essentially meaning that we don’t have to be taxed twice, though there are several countries where that isn’t the case. Nick will remain in the pension system for the UK, and pay UK taxes – which makes sense considering all his income is British. Whereas I will pay US taxes as usual. He *could* choose to pay US taxes instead of UK, but that appears to make the process 369857698456 more complicated. If he has a US job, with US employers it could make more sense for him to file in the US. Since he doesn’t, we’ll be filing with two countries this year. Or rather, we’ll only be taxed once in each country.

I also worried that we would not count as a married couple this year for tax purposes. I thought this was a bit bogus since the US wouldn’t allow Nick to work here, AND they wanted to shirk my marital tax benefit? Jerks. When you fill out a W-4 it notes that if you are married to a non-resident alien you should file as single. My accountant says not to worry, if you’re married – you’re married. whippee! Our marriage is recognized! Which I can at least say is true of my LGBT friends in DC.. sadly not too many other places. le sigh.

Lesson of the day? Sometimes it’s a good idea to trust an expert and not *gasp* Google.

ps. Have you seen the crazy pants-ness all up on my friend’s formspring? http://www.formspring.me/jennacole Some of the less rabid anti immigration posts have been answered. I don’t know how these people don’t understand that being a lawful permanent resident is within tax law – and isn’t evading anything. I would laugh my butt off if some troll threatened me with an audit because they were so xenophobic. Not to mention, unless they’re a Native American I’m pretty sure they come from a line of immigrants. Paaaaathetic.

We rented Julie & Julia from Redbox the other night, and I was sorely disappointed. As much as I love Amy Adams and Meryl Streep, I couldn’t love the characters. That’s unfair, I liked Julia Child and I identified with her as a trailing spouse and an expat – but i couldn’t stomach Julie Powell.

I was however, inspired to attempt boeuf bourguignon. The reason cooking beef and other meat dishes is difficult for me is that I have no frame of reference. I’ve never had boeuf bourguignon, so I have no idea how it’s supposed to taste, or what the final product should be.  I wanted to use the Julia Child recipe, but I also wanted to cook it in a clay pot. Clay pots (romertopfs) are amazing, if you cook meat (or even veg) you should certainly invest in one. It cooks the food faster, infuses it with more juice and in general enriches the flavor of your food.

(source)

Which is how I came to make the boeuf bourguignon as if Julia Child were actually from Africa, and used a clay pot. I also put more veggies in than she called for, one carrot?! Pish posh, put in three.

(not my boeuf bourguignon… my carrots were smaller…)

So, in case you want to make my franken boeuf bourguignon this is how it goes. There are no pictures, because I was too concerned about messing up to take them. I also used cornstarch instead of flour because my mother can’t consume gluten. So, feel free to change that. I made the beef stock the night before, using 3 lbs of soup bones, some carrots, carrot tops, leeks and onions that I roasted before sticking in a slow cooker, I may have added wine to it as well, I can’t remember anymore!

In case you’re getting into making your own stocks you should know this. Chicken stock is waaaaaay easier to make than beef stock. It isn’t that beef stock is complicated per say, it’s just that Chicken is easier. Or rather, that beef is more involved-you need to be involved with your beef stock.

So,  let’s pretend your stock is made and skimmed and in the fridge awaiting your return. And yesterday you put in your 3lbs of beef cubes in a bag with red wine. Or do it that morning because your forgot… it’s your choice. You’ve also soaked your clay pot for at least 20 min.  Grab a burgundy wine or, a pinot noir, pour yourself a glass.

Clean and chop your carrots into little circles, and strip your pearl onions of their skins. Rub your mushrooms, remove the stalks and chop in half. Put the carrots and onions to the side, put the mushrooms to the side, but separate.

Cut your bacon into tiny strips, Julia says to take the rind off, but this caused me to massacre the bacon, in the future I won’t be derinding. Cut them into lardons, aka sticks. Pat your beef with paper towels and then in small batches powder them with cornstarch (or flour). Plop in 2Tbs of olive oil to your pan and bang the bacon, with some of the powdered beef cubes in as well. Let them brown on all sides and remove to your clay pot. The flour/cornstarch allows the beef to create a little crust.

Once you’ve finished with the beef braising, toss your onions and carrots into the pan you’ve just been using.  Add more bacon fat or butter as needed. Season your beef with salt and pepper. Add tomato paste to the clay pot/beef, about a 1/2 tablespoon. Crush 3 cloves of garlic, and add a teaspoon of fresh thyme to the pot. Crumple a bay leaf while you’re at it and pop a clove in.

Once you’ve browned all the onions and carrots add them to the clay pot. Repeat with the mushrooms, but use more butter instead of bacon fat. Pour in 2 cups of the red wine, and 1 cup of the stock.  If you have room, add a bit more stock – I did not have room. So now I have lots of extra beef stock, gluten free french onion soup perhaps?

Stick it in the oven at 450 for an hour and half. Julia Child’s recipe calls for several hours, but I’m into instant gratification and an hour and half is about all I could wait for. Nick roasted potatoes, my mother made a fantastic field greens/berry salad and a brilliant pavlova to accompany the meal.  Our Sunday Dinners have stepped up to a new level.

What is a recipe you’ve challenged yourself with lately?