SERIOUSLY!?!
I’ve been working on a little side project with formspring – one that is infinitely more entertaining than my own formspring. Which I should probably get around to answering myself. I’m essentially my friend’s question bouncer, she receives nasty, ridiculous questions. Some that are more like comments, as in “you look inbred”. Which, isn’t the case and they’re just trying to be internet douches. She also, gets many nice comments and questions too!
The point is, I see all the questions and I delete or spam the crazy-pants ones so she doesn’t have to deal with things that are too horrible to repeat here. One question, that is constantly reoccurring is some variation on the theme of “why isn’t your husband a citizen” or “do you think your husband only married you for a green card”. I understand that most people are blissfully ignorant of the US immigration process – I was too until recently! But honestly, why kind of question is the last one!? I don’t go around asking people if they married their spouse so they could have sex with them – why would people ask the later question!? It’s flat out rude and offensive.
When Nick and I were engaged people would ask (or comment on wb) if we were getting married so fast because of immigration. I sort of understand where they are coming from, because maybe that isn’t the path they personally took. I know several people are in much longer relationships before they can commit to marrying the other person, that just wasn’t the case for Nick and I. If I were a snarkier person, I would have replied with “oh, are you getting married NOW because you’re pregnant or something? why aren’t you waiting?”. But I’m not snarkier, and so I said nothing.
Back to the first question. “Why isn’t your husband a citizen”. How freaking ethnocentric can you be!? If you moved to another country would you renounce your American heritage, allegiance and citizenship? It seems doubtful. Why should he!? Not to mention, the process of becoming a citizen is a huge, expensive, pain. Nick himself, can’t even apply for citizenship for several years at this point. Perhaps people are asking out of ignorance, or spite, or curiosity. I could attempt to be more gracious, but it’s difficult to be gracious when you’re so insulted.
Maybe in the future I’ll just send people this link.
</rant>
February 25th, 2010 at 11:10 am
I can’t believe some of the questions she gets – people are /horrible/. That being said, Mark’s a citizen now, but honestly, he got his citizenship after living here for nearly 20 years (in fact it may have been 20). And the only reason he did it was because he realized not being a citizen was limiting his job search (oh, and he started dating me and that made him want to start voting! I’m such a good influence!)
As long as their are no concerns about your immigration and you don’t need it for your job or whatever, I don’t think it’s really a concern. It never bothered me that Mark wasn’t a citizen, other than he couldn’t vote. On the other hand, since he didn’t have any real intention of moving back to England, at some point, it made more sense for him to become a citizen.
BTW, do we get British citizenship just for marrying them? I have no good reason for wanting it except to rub it in the faces of my friends who WISH they could be this cool. So I probably shouldn’t bother :-p.
February 25th, 2010 at 11:16 am
hahaha i know who you’re talking about cos i just read her answer about having a friend to do this
i’m pretty surprised at some of the questions too, people can be so ignorant
on a unrelated note, why are you guys coming up? Will Nick be around in June? I’m going to have WorldCup parties on weekends so if you guys want to come watch some football and get wasted, let me know
February 25th, 2010 at 11:16 am
hahaha i know who you’re talking about cos i just read her answer about having a friend to do this
i’m pretty surprised at some of the questions too, people can be so ignorant
on a unrelated note, when are you guys coming up? Will Nick be around in June? I’m going to have WorldCup parties on weekends so if you guys want to come watch some football and get wasted, let me know
February 25th, 2010 at 11:45 am
My husband has lived in the US for over a decade now, but still refuses to become a citizen. He jokes that it’s because he doesn’t want to get drafted, but I know that it’s because he is still proud of the country of his origin and he honestly doesn’t think that the benefits of being a citizen (as opposed to a permanent resident) are worth it.
To hell with those people — seriously, some people really have nothing better to do than to try to spread their misery to others’ lives.
P.S. — I LOVE lmgtfy.com too!
February 25th, 2010 at 12:18 pm
Ugh! Americans are probably the most ethnocentric people that I know. My favorite ethnocentric line is “If you’re in my country, then you need to speak my language!” My father has lived in this country since he was 19 (turning 54 this weekend) and he has never felt the need to become a citizen.
I really feel sorry for these people because they are just ignorant of the entire world around them and probably don’t have the social “shut up” factor. I’m probably naive, but I really think that people aren’t trying to be rude when they ask questions about a spouse’s status in the US(except for those anonymous internet douches), they probably just don’t get it.
I also think that people have forgotten how this country started. Unless someone’s full blooded Native American, someone in your family came from another country too. I often have remind my ethnocentric husband that when his great-great-grandparents came over, they didn’t speak a lick of English either. I think that is the cool thing about America-we’re the melting pot of the world and we get to experience all kinds of different cultures.
February 25th, 2010 at 1:44 pm
@Ellie, you’re going to have live in Britain for awhile to snag that passport
@Josiah/Jenny – we may be up in april? I’ll keep you posted!
@liesal I really should give people the benefit of doubt – but it’s just so infuriating. I think it’s the tone of “why WOULDN’T he want to be a citizen!?” that bothers me the most. I think you’re right on about the melting pot (and props to your dad!).
February 25th, 2010 at 2:19 pm
You must read Elizabeth Gilmore’s new book, Committed. Not totally like your story- but I think you’ll appreciate it!!
March 10th, 2010 at 5:11 pm
Wow, it’s crazy to read this.
I found out through TH that the US taxes you even if you live out of the country. I honestly did not know about it.
I still have a full year before I can even apply for citizenship. We were actually talking about it with my husband last night and I told him it’s not something I’m going to take lightly.
To me becoming a citizen means embracing all that America stands for and I’m not sure I’m ready for it yet. I don’t want to take the citizenship just because one doesn’t have to apply for the green card and can vote (although voting is quite important for me).
I have the chance to be French and as is I won’t loose my citizenship because France recognizes dual citizenship with the US. It’s not the case everywhere, some people can loose they citizenship if they take the american one from what I heard.
If I had to choose between one or the other I would keep my birth citizenship because no matter how long I live in the US I will always be French in my heart.
Hubby and I got married quickly because of immigration. I say it honestly, if it wasn’t for that we would have waited until we were a bit more ready for it. But it was marriage or being separated for who knows how long again. So we got married and I don’t regret it.