US meets UK

I supposed to be purchasing gifts for other people right? So how is it that I’ve already purchased several things for…me.

Tulle had a black Friday sale, and when this dress (sans chinchilla) dropped to $18? Well, I needed it.

(source)

While at Tulle I saw this dress, which I justified by saying I could wear it to work with a cute belt or cardigan.

Then, while actually buying a gift for someone else, I saw a video game on amazon that I wanted (which is too embarrassing to mention here). I also found magazine subscription deals for just $5! So I’ll now received Real Simple, Cooking Light and House Beautiful too.

And today? I found Beatles rockband for only $40.

I am the worst holiday shopper ever! Though, the fact I haven’t purchased anything for myself in several months since the wedding may be coming back to bite me in my consumery butt.

Have you been holiday shopping for others… or for yourself?

Usually, if you’re an international couple, and you’d like to stay together after you get married you have to file for an AOS.  This stands for “Adjustment of Status”, we need to adjust Mr.D’s status from fiance to spouse! But wait you say, “I thought you guys were married, I’ve seen the photos!” But for the US government a marriage certificate from a municipality just isn’t enough.

You’ve been with the D’orsays through the K1 Fiance Visa Process and I’m happy that the hive will be along with us as we continue attempting to stay together despite the governmental roadblocks.

First, we made another ginormo packet of personal info. As for what goes into the packet? That info can be found here. Mr.D realized that he needed his previous vaccination form transcribed by a civil surgeon on the the I-693 form to be included in this packet so he searched high and low to find a doctor who could do that. Prices ranged from $25 to $100! So be sure to shop around if you to do this, some doctors also told us that he needed another full medical exam.  In our case this was FALSE and in our opinion, the offices were either misinformed or attempting to make more money off us. Mr.D could have had his vaccines done at the doctor approved by the US government in London, but it would have cost even more money! So he had them done free on the NHS, only to find he had to pay for a doctor to transcribe the form here.

We sent off a wedding gift of $1,010 (*gasp…choke choke*) to the government (on 10/1) and waited. We received the usual “we got it” receipt (on 10/6) from the government and waited some more. We sent the package off in late September and on October 16th were sent a letter letting Mr.D know where and when to go for his biometrics (fingerprinting) appointment (rescheduled for 11/20). A week or two after we received that letter we received another letting us know our case had been sent to California (10/26).

Having our case in California means there is a slight chance that we get to skip the interview portion of the AOS and skip straight to the swim suit competition. Mr.D also applied for an EAD (authorization to be employed) and that should be coming soon. Here is a general timeline for the EAD from Visa Journey. Another approval you can file for is advanced parole, my understanding is that the advanced parole is supposed to be used if you have any specific travel dates that take you out of the country. We didn’t apply for this at the time, because we didn’t have any specific travel dates.

So where are we now? The D’orsays are waiting on our EAD to come. We don’t feel we have any hopes for knowing when our AOS will be complete as most people say it can take anywhere from months to years (fingers crossed for months!). So I try not to worry about it. Maybe we’ll do an interview, maybe we won’t. The process isn’t very transparent, and that part is amazingly frustrating. So the D’orsays just check out mail, take lots of photos together and wait.

Anyone else in the process?

D’orsay immigration posts

Post 1

Post 2

Post 3

Post 4

Post 5

Post 6

Post 7

Post 8

and omigod this post you’re reading is post 9!!!

First, I should point out that the opinions represented here are my own, and my own understanding of these issues. Now that the disclaimer is out of the way, let me proceed to tell you why I’ve felt like punching myself in the face the past few days regarding the USPSTF recommendations for mammograms and Breast Self Exams (BSE).

First, I’d like to touch on the points that are continually being misrepresented in the media, discuss uncomfortable yet counter intuitive evidence (all cancers not created equal, BSE) , and finally what I feel is missing out of the whole debate.

Misrepresentations? Well, the first “I’m going to scream feeling” comes anytime I hear people generalize cancer, women at risk, or mammograms. Let’s start with mammograms, the mammograms that USPSTF is discussing are related to screening mammograms. Screening mammograms are for the general population, women who haven’t discovered a lump, who have no symptoms, and are at various risk rates. Who are the USPSTF guidelines for? Women who turn 40 and turn up for a mammogram because that’s what their doctor says to do. Diagnostic mammograms are for women who have symptoms, have found lumps, etc. Not a single soul is telling anyone that if they find a lump they should do nothing.

At risk women, as defined by USPSTF guidelines are women “with a family history of breast cancer in a mother or sister, a previous breast biopsy revealing atypical hyperplasia, or first childbirth after age 30”. Additionally, “the recommendation for women to begin routine screening in their 40s is strengthened by a family history of breast cancer having been diagnosed before menopause”. So, if you’re in any of those categories, pay no attention to the news.

Mammograms are not prevention. BSEs are not prevention. A mammogram and a BSE will not prevent you from having breast cancer. In fact “a 1997 review, using risk estimates provided by the Biological Effects of Ionizing Radiation report of the National Academy of Sciences, estimated that annual mammography of 100,000 women for 10 consecutive years beginning at age 40 would result in up to 8 radiation-induced breast cancer deaths”. So, once again, mammograms and BSEs are not preventative measures.

Here is the part that is counter intuitive. The question that should be asked around mammography is “does mammography save lives” yet the question that is often asked is “does mammography find cancer”. Not all cancers are created equal, not by a long shot! So when DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ) is found it’s not quite cancer yet. Cancer, by definition is invasive, and since this cancer isn’t invading yet, it isn’t technically cancer. However, there is currently no way to tell what DCIS will turn in to. There is the chance it could regress, there is the chance it could become very, very aggressive. But we don’t have the diagnostic tools to tell us which is will be. So at the moment, many women (and men) are treated incredibly aggressively, because there isn’t a way to tell the minority from the majority when it comes to slow growing or aggressive cancers.

A 40 year old woman can’t know if a mammogram saved her life, because there isn’t a way to tell what type of cancer her lesion would become at the time she was diagnosed. She could have found it a year later in the shower, or in while getting dressed. She could have had a slow growing cancer that wouldn’t have harmed her, or she might have a cancer that is responsive to treatment (because few are) and her prognosis would have remained the same. Or she could have had a very aggressive tumor that responds to no treatment. Again, there is now way to tell.  The debate shouldn’t rest on anecdotes, it should rest on evidence.  Though, that didn’t help the breast cancer community in the 90′s when similar recommendations were made.  There was an outcry and Congress overruled the NIH’s suggestions. Where has the pink ribbon taken us?

Instead of focusing on scientific evidence people are clinging to the pink ribbon safety blanket. Instead of directing your outrage at the guidelines, how about getting angry that women have been told a simple and false message for so many years?! Why aren’t we putting all the time, money, resources and focus that goes to shower cards and BSE’s towards research that will make a difference. There simply isn’t enough evidence to support a broad screening program and we should be putting our resources to find what works.

If you’re curious, you should check out this link, ’cause I agree with these folks.

I went to see New Moon today…for the second time. I wanted to hang out with my cousins and they were going…so I went. At least, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. I haven’t even seen movies I love more than once in a theatre!

Why are you reading blogs? I’d say “go eat turkey”, but I don’t eat turkey.  So I shall say ” go eat some stuffing!” mmmm. stuffing.

Remember the first name post? or the second? or the third!? Or how I wrote about how poor I am at decision making? Well, combine that all into an “I’m 25 and I can’t name myself sandwich”.

I know… I know I said that we played rock paper scissors and I lost, and I said that I was fine with that. It’s just that the issue of a name change kept arising. Everywhere I turned people were asking me to make a decision about it. It wasn’t just about the wedding, sure there were the questions of what we should be announced as when we headed down the aisle, as we headed into the reception etc.  The occasions just went so far beyond that.

I started a new job and had interviewed under my birth name, but I lost at rock, paper, scissors, so I asked them to use my new last name on my first day. I had to change my computer log in, database log in, phone, my email.. on and on! Then they asked about my business cards, and the sign for my office and I caved.  I went for the double barrel because I just couldn’t imagine hiding my birth name in my middle name any longer. It just didn’t feel like me to say “first name completely different last name” to introduce myself.  In fact, I’ve found myself channeling Madonna and Cher. When I meet someone new, even if it’s for work, I only use my first name. It’s my safety blanket, the one name I feel completely comfortable with at the moment.

I went on a series of business trips that called for air travel and since I had asked everyone at work to use my married name my tickets were booked in my married name. So my travel rewards programs had to be in my new name. None of my identification had been changed, so everywhere I went I carried my marriage license.  The TSA was none too pleased to have me gallivanting around the airport with differing forms of ID. My new employer health insurance has my married name, so does my insurance card.  So I’ve had to change my name at each doctor I see and at my pharmacy. It’s still strange to hear myself referred to as “Mrs. Married name” or as a couple to be known as “The Marrieds”

I’m reminded about this decision at least once a week and I still don’t know what I want to do. Mr.D said he’d be just fine if I stayed “D’orsay” and he’d stay “D”, but odd as it is I don’t think I’d be comfortable with that solution.  I’m in a spot where I want to recognize our union in our name, but I don’t want to disown my family name either.

Obviously, I ultimately want both of us to feel comfortable with our married name(s). Instead of the quick “easy” process I thought it would be, it’s clearly going to be a long road to figuring out what works. I’ll let you know if we hit that goal before our first anniversary.

Anyone else taking the long road with the name decision?

For my bridesmaids gifts I purchased reusable water bottles and had their names engraved on them.  Then I purchased plain canvass tote bags and “silkscreened” the bird image we’ve used throughout the wedding.  I wanted something that was leaning toward being eco-friendly and that would remind them of the our wedding. I say “silkscreen” because I didn’t use photo emulsion or screen blocker, I really used a stencil.  If you’re only doing a few items, with a simple image then a stencil is perfect. Here is how I did it, D’orsay style. Acquire a Speedball silk screening kit like this one (do a google search), the fabric ink in the color you’d like (available online and at Joanne’s) and choose your image.

Print your image, then trace it to freezer paper.

Cut the image out using an exacto knife.  Be sure to leave “bridges” if you need them, bridges connect the base of the image to the inside bits. I’m probably horrible at explaining the white space issue, but basically the parts you’ve cut out will the the parts that get inked. So if you cut out the eye without a bridge, the bird wouldn’t have an eye, it would just be completely colored in.

Using a nice, flat surface, place down a barrier, then lay your item (shirt, dress, tote) with a piece of paper inside (so the paint won’t bleed through), and pin it down using your screen.  Pour your paint onto the screen and make a few deliberate passes with your squeegee.  After you’re positive the image has been fully covered, peel up your screen and freezer paper.

Then you’ll go back through and fill in the bridges.

If you aren’t careful when you’re pinning the screen down, or if you aren’t careful when you peel the screen and paper up, then you can get ink on the back of your stencil. So after the stencil looked like the picture below, I had to take a break.  You can re use it, but you have to wait for everything to dry.  It’s also important to wash your screen.  Every time I use it, I stain it, but you just really don’t want your screen to dry with paint particulate on it.

Let the tote (or whatever) dry then iron it a bit to make sure the image has set. You’re all done!

Are you diy-ing your bridesmaids gifts?

I had planned on making a headboard, but after I priced it out… buying one on sale didn’t seem so bad! Here are the front runners for your consideration.

Urban Outfitter’s velvet headboard in wheat

(Urban Outfitters)

JC Penney Rhonda headboard in oat (not shown here)

(JC Penney)

I’m also loving this one in the velvet Pewter or Wheat (neither color shown)

(HSN)

Which is your fave? I’ve become very inspired by light, airy looking bedrooms. Despite all the other wheat/ivory options I posted I think the pewter is quite lovely!

ps. All these headboards are under $350!

Nick and I and two of our friends are headed to Polyface farm this weekend. I’m hoping to pick up some wonderfully raised meat, some awesome eggs and see a farm whose practices I agree with. The farm is featured in the Omnivores Dilemma and also in the movie Food inc.

I hope we see lots of these!

It’s true. I’m over the moon for new moon.  However, there are certain parts of the movie/book which really truly irritate me.  For example, Bella can’t seem to exist without a man.  Which is pathetic.

(source)

I’m still twitarded though.