US meets UK

Oh crap.  Oh crap. Oh crap. Oh crap.  I’ve given up originality, because somehow whenever I think I’m being original or different suddenly everyone else is too.  Back (back) in the day I used to be a girl wearing dickies, ties and had an awesome graduated bob in the front sweeping back to spikey hair hairdo.  I thought I was soooooo cool.  Then Avril Lavine came out and I had to seriously re-adjust my wardrobe.

This wedding is starting to feel that way.  The bridesmaid dresses I coveted? So does everyone else.  Palates involving gray? Everyone is there too.  Wedding suit over wedding tux? Well, that’s an older one, I jumped on someone else’s bandwagon for that one.

It’s frustrating in the sense that people say that your wedding day should be “a unique expression of your union”.  Which I understand, I really do – no one wants a cookie cutter wedding.  But with inspirations overlapping it’s difficult not to flip a crazy switch and say “OH MA GAH! This wedding across the country that no one I know went to is going to look so similar to ours. Crap!”.  Not that any of our guests are probably looking at nearly as many wedding blogs as I am.  But you never know, what if they know my bridesmaid dresses have been featured in other people’s weddings on the internet!?!?

Like I said…crazy switch.

So whenever I start to worry about being unoriginal I start to think about authenticity and this little gem from the internet:

Do you ever find your mind going to the “crazy place”? How do you get back to normal?

Hi MD/DC/VA Bees!

We’re meeting today, Sunday, 1pm at Jaleo near the Gallery Place/Chinatown stop!

Miss D’orsay will see you there with a glass of sangria!

We did postcard Save the Dates and I thought it would be fun to write a note to each recipient like a real postcard. Oh, yes, I did just say I thought it would be fun to write a note on a ton of postcards. Right….. In any case I found myself in starts and fits and I finally made a schedule to get them finished.

Bee Reader MissCamera posted in our month twin board (Go August!) that she had the resolution of getting out her Save the Dates by January 15th, which sounded great to me! Unfortunately mine made it across the Atlantic in February. Why didn’t I just mail them from England? The Royal Mail must hate me, because they’ve done things like sent Mr.D’s suit from England to Colombia (South America) instead of Columbia, MD, USA. I also did a price comparison and found it would be cheaper to send a tiny package to the US and send each STD domestically than to send each postcard from England to the US.

I’m not going to lie to you guys, if I had gotten my act together before we left the States it would have been much, much easier. I thought this would be a fun project and when I sat down and thought about how excited I would be to have these people with us on our wedding day I was happy to write each of them a note.  That said, it took me a very long time for me to get off my bum and finish them.

I also miscounted and sent my mother too many extras so I didn’t have enough to finish sending a few of them out! What’s worse is that my mother misplaced the extras (she had agreed to send) so several guests didn’t end up receiving a Save the Date which I didn’t find out till I arrived in the US in June…a bit late to send one at that point.

So without any further ado, I’d like to introduce you to our Save the Dates:

On the other side I wrote a note to each of our guests. We re-used the lower bird stamp from our invitations for the Save the Dates.

Regrets? Not being ultra clear about which side Kinkos should print on. There is a textured linen-esque side and a less textured side on the recycled cardstock. Our invitations printed/embossed perfectly on the less textured side, the Save the Dates and RSVP cards were printed on the linen-esque side which led to a few cards not printing quite right and the embossing process not working as well.

I’m glad we embossed these last, because our heat gun died with 10 extra ones to go. Moral of the story? give your embossing gun a rest so it doesn’t overheat and die. The silver lining? I won’t be attempting to emboss anything else for the wedding.

Any one else do postcard STDs or have any other STD mishaps?

Once we I had addressed all the international envelopes Mr.D and I began to assemble the invitation suite.  I really shouldn’t call it a suite, because I have seen some of the most amazing invites (many here on weddingbee!) and ours don’t come close. Our invitations are simply an invitation, and RSVP card and lastly, a reception card.

The day we were to fly from the USA to England we packed these invitations to be sent from within the UK and we realized that we forgot to include wording about the reception on the invitations.  Granted, it should be pretty obvious that people should stay put for drinks, dinner and dancing – but we just wanted to be clear for anyone that could be confused.  So Mr.D hopped on his laptop and designed a mini reception card  which we zinged off to Kinkos to be picked up after visiting my grandmother and before hopping on the plane. Hello last minute….. Mr.D designed every inch of the suite with minimal input from me. We embossed the invitations, the birds on the RSVP cards and due to the last minute nature of the reception cards – those are just printed.

To reduce paper and (domestic) postage we opted for postcard RSVPs. Here is the full “suite”

The only difference between the international and domestic invites is that we used different ribbon.  We also hand delivered more English invites than US, and at the post office I didn’t feel like I had much of a choice when it came to stamps.  In fact I’m sure George the Postmaster thought I was crazy for talking photos of the stamps! In my defense, I was very excited that they matched the envelopes and the gold writing I had done for the addresses.

Though the international invites have been out for quite a while it took me forever to get around to writing this post.  Up next? The joys of finally saying “I’m done!” with invitations!

Did you forget any important information if you DIY’ed your invites? How did you resolve it?

Oh naming conventions. I tried to hide from you, but my honorifics post reminded me I’ll have to deal with you sooner than later. le sigh.

It’s not as though I want to become Princess Consuela Banana Hammock and Mr.D to become Mr.Bag (but I would be pleased if we both became the Banana – Bags), I am have deep issues with traditional naming conventions. What’s worse is that I’m starting to feel completely alone in this, even my father said I should change my name! Thankfully, I have at least one friend who has co-hyphenated and others who have kept their birth names. While Mr.D supports me on this issue he is also trying to see both families’ opinion on it, whereas I feel there are really only two opinions that matter in this decision.

If you’re struggling with the idea of a name change (for you or you and your partner) I’ve found a few resources that might help you too. My mother (who is a database administrator) is asking us not to co-hyphenate or double barrel, but only because it makes her job harder.  To illustrate this point she sent us this article detailing a co-hyphenated couple’s unintentional database name changes.

In an online forum I found this roman maxim ‘Sine nomine homo non est’ “(without a name a person is nothing). One’s name is a signboard to the world. It is one of the most permanent of possessions; it remains when everything else is lost; it is owned by those who possess nothing else…. When one dies it is the only part that lives on in the world.” Which almost makes the case for neither of us changing our names, except that my desire to share a common name with Mr.D is overwhelmingly strong.

If you’re interested, here is a link to a court case regarding combined surnames. The summery is pretty interesting and though the case involves a child’s surname it still seems quite applicable to marriage. Part of the summary states that “a combined surname is a solution that recognizes each parent’s legitimate claims and threatens neither parent’s rights.  The name merely represents the truth that both parents created the child and that both parents have responsibility for that child”.   In my opinion, you could easily exchange marriage for child and partner for parent with the same resulting outcome.

The most helpful place I’ve found to give me peace with either co-hyphenating or choosing a single surname (mine or his) has without a doubt been the IndieBride Kvetch Name Changing board.  While the site can sometimes be confusing to navigate (and why is second thoughts the first thing you always see!?!?!) it has really been a life saver when I’ve felt alone in this line of thinking.

While I would never do something because someone told me to, I also wouldn’t do something because someone told me not to.  The Kvetch board has definately helped me to think about the name changing issue in a more well rounded way. I also sent Mr.D this article from Salon.com and the wikipedia article which highlights different naming conventions for different cultures.

What have we decided? Well, we still haven’t.  We have all the usual concerns regarding identity, family tradition, personal preference etc but we also have to be concerned about immigration.  We aren’t too pleased with the thought that changing our names could result in longer waits and confused paperwork. So we decided to re-table the highly emotionally charged issue and think about it later.  While I hope that we decided before the wedding (because for me changing our name as a unit also signifies our bond to the outside world) I’m not entirely sure we’ll have reached a decision about this in the next few months.

Anyone else having struggles with name changing? Is your fiance considering changing his name as well? Any drama?

For some reason, every time I read the word “honorifics” my brain says “horrorifics”.  This was pretty funny until I discovered the reason for my brain’s freudian slip.

Honorifics are complicated! I went so far as to post my status on facebook as “Married friends – can I get some sort of consensus here? How to you prefer to be addressed? Mr. and Mrs. John Smith? Mr. John Smith and Mrs. Jane Smith? Mr. John Smith and Mrs. Jane Jones – Smith? Mr and Mrs. John and Jane Smith (this one seems odd and redundant to me)? Mr. John Smith and Ms. Jane Jones?”

What I received? Was anything but a consensus. Some people said Mr. and Mrs. John Smith was fine, others said “I’m not Mrs. John…”, and I received more opinions still! I felt pretty much back to square one.  I checked out these posts on A Practical Wedding, the Crane Blue Book, and Emily Post for advice.  But what I really found to be the most helpful? Simply calling or texting those who I thought might have a preference on their honorifics and ask them what they preferred.  This way  I’m honoring our guests’ identity choices and attempting to avoid disrespecting their decisions. I also solved several horrorific addresses by addressing it to the XXXXXX family.

I did learn a few interesting things from my horrorifics experience. For example, becoming a Mrs.? That doesn’t come from getting married – it only applies if the woman changes her name.  So my sister? Technically not a Mrs. since she kept her maiden name. I’m also grateful that we have very few military personnel in our family and I don’t know any judges that I would need to address as “The Honorable”.

I think it all really comes down to (your guest’s) personal preference, I’ve seen people say “whatever you decide, just pick a naming system and be consistent”.  In my opinion, you only need to worry about consistency if you’re concerned that your guests will be showing each other their envelopes and become hurt.

I like the idea of employing honorifics because they convey a certain amount of respect and reverence to the person whom you’re sending the letter to.  It’s rare that I ever receive personal mail with an honorific attached.  Now that I’ve waded through the murky waters of horrorifics, I’ll probably use them more often!

How do you feel about honorifics (horrorifics?) and how do you prefer to be addressed?
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Since I recently made my first fitting appointment I realized I need to get cracking on finding all the “underthings” for the dress.  First stop? Shapewear.

I had been recommended to Trousseau in Tysons Corner, VA; but that would mean an hour drive in a car with no A/C.  So instead my mother and I swung by Bra La La in Laurel, MD.  The main problem with finding undergarments for my dress is that the deep v in the back instantly knocks Spanx, and many others out of the running. After finding a few low backed styles we settled on my favorite, which to my surprise was more on the “delicate/pretty” side of the spectrum vs the “industrial/military style” that I suspected would be needed.

I then asked for more shapewear because the corset we decided on doesn’t exactly reach the “pouch” area. The girl brought several items that were more on the pretty side and less on the functional side until I finally had to tell her – I needed her to bring on the big guns, the “tough gals” of the shapewear world.  She protested only a moment that “would want something pretty on my wedding night”.  So I informed her of my super secret plan to just change all my underthings before Mr.D and I headed to bed that night. Just try to envision getting industrial strength shapewear off in 7 seconds – it’s possible, but pretty humourous.

Now that I’m set with the shapewear part of things I’ve moved onto the idea of crinoline. I really wasn’t expecting to wear a crinoline at all, but then I realized that a crinoline is what keeps you from stepping on your dress.  My dress is a trumpet, but I’m mostly seeing hoops and styles for a-lines and ball-gowns out there.  Where is the love for the trumpet?!

A preliminary google search turned up a few options that all seem to run in the $40-$60 range. Is it cheap to say I was expecting these to cost less? I’ve even searched for them on classifieds with little luck; is a crinoline like underwear…something you don’t re-sell? Not to mention they all seem like they’ll be very hot…you know, in addition to the items rearranging my organs and my (wonderful, beautiful) dress weighing me down.

If you’ve worn a crinoline for your wedding – was it hot?  If you’ve bought a crinoline – where did you find it?

Because you see, when you drink and DIY you’re bound to make mistakes.  Mistakes that you’ll likely have to go back and fix. Especially when you and one of your MOHs get together after a year of being in separate countries, and um, a box of franzia (I mean, they were all out of Andre …what do you expect).

This led to the exposure of my inner mathematical genius…where 50 – 15 = 45.  And where I forgot to purchase half of the ribbon we’d need (okay…. I did that one sober).  Not to mention inside out belly band bows and tissue paper flowers with *slight* differences.

oops.

The more you know….

So, I go to other blogs, and I see people with little cutesy award squares – but I’ve never been tagged with one till now! What’s worse?  The lovely girl who tagged me had to notify me because I’ve been SO remiss on catching up with blogs since I’ve been back in the states.  No more I say!

It was super nice of her to tag me, so now I shall return the favor.  Eve said I had to name 6 of my favorite unimportant things.  When I thought about this, it was hard to delineate between what was important/unimportant – if it’s my favorite wouldn’t it be important? So I began with Junk Food, because while I have favorites I think Junk Food is pretty unimportant.

1. Favorite Fast Food Chain – Taco Bell

2. All time favorite fast food item – Cheesy Gordita Crunch with beans instead of beef

3. Favorite Doughnut – Boston Creme

4. Favorite McDonald’s menu item – egg ‘n cheese mcmuffin

5. Favorite Sub – Quiznos Veggie

6. Favorite UK Junk Food – Cadburysapricotandcrumblecrunchbaryorkshirepuddingstickytoffeepudding

(if i don’t put any spaces it counts as a singular item right?)

Okay…I failed, I tried to think of things other than fast food, but they all seemed important! Fave shoes, Fave airline (domestic and international), fave veterinarian?

Who shall I tag?

Kasia @ Good Finking

Emily @ Oh! Apostrophe

Cautionary Gril @ Cautionary Blog (her posts are password protected, but I think she’s a pretty tough cookie, or maybe a cookie who was crumbled but is reassembling herself and is amazing for not staying crumbled?)

Stephanie @ lustrous owl

3 anonymous awesome American ladies @ She’s not from yorkshire

Kristina @ So I was thinking…

Thanks ladies, for supplying me with thought provoking words!

“I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?”

“I think you can in Europe?”

What a timely and accurate movie quote for my life (can you name the film?!).  While in England, I was mostly “whelmed” I had contacted all our vendors (except for alterations and MUAs), sent inspiration pictures and generally felt on top of things. We were focused on the visa, after all what more was there to do?

Turns out, the answer to that is “LOTS”, or “MANY” or even “SEVERAL”.  I’m admittedly not the best decision maker, and it takes me a while to decided, undecided, redecide and repeat that pattern a few times.  Which is why 3 months out, I’ve gone from “whelmed” to overwhelmed. Suddenly, I need to figure out where we’re getting cakes for the cake buffet from, send out the US invites, redecide on centerpieces, figure out hair and make up, find shoes for BMs, design DIY paper and other craft projects…the list goes on and on.

So, what to do when you’re feeling overwhelmed?

Find your friend Excel (or google docs).

Make your columns weeks (ex. 6/14-6/20) and your rows categories (ex. Catering, DIY, Ceremony, etc). All the way to the left after the last week of your columns create a goals column.  An example of a goal would be, mail invitations by 6/15, create seating chart by 8/16, etc.  Then go back, and fill in what you’d need to do to make those things happen.  So, all our RSVP’s are due by 7/27, I have the deadline on the chart, as well as the task of harassing people for missing RSVPS, and the goal to have all outstanding RSVP’s by 8/9.  This way I have an accurate headcount to work on the seating chart.

For the invitations? create bows on 6/10, assemble 6/11, print/address 6/12 and 6/13.  These all went in the same square on the chart though, because they all need to occur within the same week.

I took a few screenshots so you could see snipets, but it’s a bit hard to understand the scope of it on a computer screen.

So I made an absurdly sized poster of it, because this way I can see the plan in it’s entirety and it isn’t hidden away in a file within my wedding folder.

These are a few of the goals.

By planning backwards I’ve thought through each step and what will need to occur in order to achieve the goal.  I also highlighted (in yellow) the places where people could help Mr.D and I and we wouldn’t have to face a project alone.  I then sent this to my parent’s and bridal party so we could all be on the same page and I think it’s really helped everyone to know what is coming and what they can help with.

My father now knows when deposits or payments are due, my crafty BM’s know when I’ll ask for their help and I even included appointments in case anyone wants to or is free to come along to a fitting. I also have no excuse to procrastinate – I literally have a giant poster looming over me!

I’ve shared my 3 month timeline with you, you’ll just need to change the dates/categories to suit your needs.  Remember to start with your goals, and work backwards!

How do you stay organized?