US meets UK

I am a grade A procrastinator. Right before I hopped on a plane to come to England I thought I should pack as many DIY projects I could. So I ordered feather fans, which I planned on sanding down the handles of and repainting a darker color for bridesmaid “bouquets”. Then I ordered purple/lavender tissue paper for my tissue paper pomanders. I ordered them online. online. onliiiiine. Can any computer type people spot my mistake?

So I made another rookie mistake. I ordered recycled tissue paper from the internets. Which, in the interest of full disclosure, they do tell you that the colors may appear different than they actually are. With that warning safely out of my head I ordered two colors in the lavender family (or so I thought)

The fans arrived the day before we flew out and to my dismay they were too tiny. This could have easily been solved if I had taken a ruler out and visualized the dimensions before placing my order. The tissue paper also arrived and was glaringly incorrect. So although I had a brilliant plan to order and pack several items to DIY while in England, I did not leave enough time to return them if they were incorrect.

Thankfully my sister took charge and is returning the items. What this unfortunately means is that she now has the task of folding 160 miniature paper flowers. The lesson from this situation: think before you order and maybe make a few measurements too.

Anyone else make any purchasing/ordering mistakes with their DIY projects? How did you fix them?

Confessions of a bad bride…

I didn’t take my mom on the first dress shopping trip. I had just gotten back to Maryland and was feeling pressed for time. I had the intentions of finishing all our planning in the three months we had before we hopped on a plane to England. I felt incredibly pressed for time and since I could decide on a venue I decided to look for a dress.

My parents were on vacation in Florida and MOH MB and I were both unemployed; what better time to go dress shopping? So I enlisted MOH MB to go to David’s Bridal with me and trust me, there is no better time to go than a weekday afternoon. We had a great time and I was pretty matter of fact about everything. In the end it came down to 3 dresses, coincidentally the first 3 dresses I had tried on. One had a drop waist and made me look like Pamela Anderson, the second was pretty and $200, and the third was all vintagey and lacy and although my style I knew it didn’t make me look as saucy as dress # 1.

In my heart of hearts I knew that dress #3 was for me, and I began to feel guilty because I had “that look” on my face, “that feeling” in my chest about the dress. I really liked the first 3 dresses I had tried on, but obviously wanted to wait for my mother to be there for the final decision and purchase. I told her about our dress excursion when she returned and I could see she was pretty sad about not being able to be there.

My mother convinced me to go to other bridal salons and try on more dresses. I was very nervous because I’m a bridal size 12/14 and as we both know – those are not most sample sizes. She encouraged me to try on relatively poofy Maggie Sotteros and whatnot. I ended up getting kinda grouchy because I distinctly remember a dress that wouldn’t fit over my thighs or over my chest. So they just held it up to me – uhg! In retrospect I wish I had:

A. eaten before I went so I didn’t get grouchy with my mother

and

B. had tried on the biggest, poofiest dress in the store.

I knew from the beginning I didn’t want a large ballgown, I needed a dress I could boogie down in. I needed a dress that would allow me to be neurotic and run around doing things that I as the bride, am not supposed to be doing on my wedding day. So I didn’t really try many different styles of dresses on and I really wish I had. I also didn’t bring a camera with me which would have been beneficial for all of us.

What dress shopping tips do you have?

So I know Nick probably doesn’t want this splashed around the internet but…he went to see Bride Wars with me last night!

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I can’t really begin to explain how grateful I am for him. If we were in America I would have gathered my bridal crew, recently engaged friends, and those who favor chick flicks and the whole posse would have gone en masse. MOH MB and I would laugh and say how we could never end up like those two and talk about the dresses ( I’m sure we both would pick Anne Hathaway’s). However, I tend to miss out on those experiences here because I don’t actually have any friends….

I know, I know I need to get out more. I live in a tiny village without a car though, and my dream of public transport England isn’t exactly how I pictured it. The movie gave me a swift realization, which is sometimes you really do need your girl friends. As much as I miss my close friends in the US I know I can’t magically transport them all here to cheer me up. So my promise to you, and to myself, is to get out of the house more and take up both old and new hobbies (and hopefully make new friends!). I’m starting modern dance classes next week and maybe even taking up a new hobby like learning French.

Since coming here I really haven’t done as much wedding planning as I thought I would. I’ve gotten into a bit of a funk when it comes to wedding planning and actually owning and participating in life in a new country. However, I’m going to get back on the horse and go for it. That caterer contract that needs nailing down? I’m on it.

Have you gotten in a wedding/life funk since you started planning? How did you climb out of it?

I’m learning more all the time about the legalities of getting married in England. Even though we’re getting married in America I’m interested in the ins and outs of English culture, especially all things wedding related!

A few English wedding legalities I found of interest:

Except for Jewish and Quaker ceremonies, you can only be legally married between the times of 8am and 6pm. There is also a list of legally allowed places that you can be married, if you are getting married outside of a church and you have to call the General Register Office. So that means none of those gorgeous in a field, at home weddings that I’ve seen-Miss Cheese, I’m glad you live in America!

You must must also give notice to the Superintendent Registrar of the districts where you and your intended live at least 16 days prior to the wedding date. You must show evidence of you name, age and nationality. Its a little bit different in Scotland, where you must give notice in the district that you intend to be married in. Prior to October 1st, 2008 you could only be married in the parish church where you lived. Thats right, this past OCTOBER, is when this was changed.

Now you can be married in any church as long as certain conditions are met. Check out You and Your Wedding for the conditions (which is where I found out all this information). You can now be married in any church you have a connection to-provided the vicar agrees. In the Church of England the vicar counts as the registrar and the reading of the banns counts as giving notice. The reading of the banns is the announcement of your intention to marry made three Sundays prior to your wedding, in case anyone feels like objecting.

In civil ceremonies no religious references or readings can be made. This needs to be approved by your registrar prior to the ceremony. If you’d like more wedding info on English weddings check direct.gov.uk for more info.

I hope this has given you some insight into the legalities of an English wedding- just in case you were planning one

Many of you brought up a good point on the Centerpieces election…

Its hard to vote when you don’t know the theme, I mean, really what platforms are those centerpieces running on anyway? I’m sorry to say, and I know I’m being really bad when I say this but… we don’t really have a theme. We’ve just sort of picked what we liked. So far things have been vintage, found, recycled, repurposed, modern, feathered, and eclectic. When pushed by Mom D’orsay I told her our theme was “the Great Gatsby goes camping sans tragedy”. Yup – I don’t know what that really means either.

I always thought themes belonged in books and plays. If they were to belong to an event it would be to a high school prom-think “under the sea”. Then I realized that our wedding is a bit like a story, or really its part of our story. Which is unexpected, caring, international and silly (I tried to limit myself to 4 words).

Thus you, my mother, Mr. D’orsay and that annoying voice in my head have walked me over to the place where I must choose a theme. Instead of finding a theme, I made an inspiration board. Be kind, its only my second one ever:

le wedding by MsUsUk

(sources – top left to right – me, the interior gallery, the knot, unveiled bridal designs, babygirl boutique, cocokelly, once wed – flickr, the brides cafe, the knot, cocokelly, weddings by color, the knot, the knot, the knot)

So, what is my theme and can you give it a name? What about you, what are your themes?

We speak the same language and we were once ruled by the same king. I’m even living in the same village that George Washington’s ancestors are from!

However, and it may not surprise you very much but the US and the UK are very very different – even the wedding rituals. Which can bring up a few awkward moments, just try to figure out what a “bridal shower” would be if you didn’t already know.

Some things are the same, just called by other names. Bachelorette party = Hen do, Bachelor party = Stag do. Though, they’re usually done in nearby cities or even other countries (Prauge is popular)! Often people will dress up, seeeriously dress up, as in Halloween dress up, here is an example:

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mmm…tutus…

Mr. D’orsay’s explanation of a typical English wedding:

A typical UK wedding usually kicks off at about 10-11am with the bride and groom each preparing at their own homes. The bride is then usually driven from her house (with all the neighbors watching and/or clapping) to the church. It’s also usual for the bride to be “casually late” to the church. The church ceremony happens, the register is signed and then everybody heads on to the reception for food and drinks (food is usually referred to as the wedding breakfast, even though it happens early afternoon). The wedding breakfast is eaten and then it’s the speeches — brides father, groom, best man. Depending on the religion of the bride/grooms family, sometimes a sweepstake occurs, with people betting on how long the speeches will last.

The night-do starts abut 7-8pm where additional guests will turn up (people that weren’t invited to the reception/ceremony) and alcohol is consumed usually accompanied by a buffet. Cash bars are the norm but often the first few drinks are free. Depending on the bar license, the official night-do usually ends at about midnight.

There is no rehearsal dinner or bridal shower, and the weddings pretty much last all day. As a side note, I have no idea what the rental feels for this would be. I can’t imagine what it would be like to rent a venue for an entire Saturday!

You can see how it can all get confusing!!! Have you had to explain any cultural differences or traditions to each other and your families?

I try not to break my promises, here is our venue!

You already saw how I began to be quietly edged out of the city by venue costs and my dreams of a chic city wedding with lovely views began to fade. Mom D’orsay convinced me to take a peak at Oakland and I scheduled visits to Elkridge Furnace Inn, O’Callaghan’s Hotel and Oakland all in the same day.

Armed with my new camera I was determined to photograph every inch of the home to show to Mr. D’orsay for his long distance approval. I’d been to the home before (after the age of 11) and knew what to expect, but I had never looked at in the a critical “could I get married here” sort of way.

Disclaimer: I had just purchased a new camera the day before and hadn’t played with the settings enough. I didn’t think anyone aside from Mr. D’orsay would see these; sorry for the quality guys!

The front of the house:

I’m in love with the front porch, which I found out in a conversation with a caterer that Oakland will be renovating it in the winter. I hope it’s looking good in August!

The entrance foyer:

And if we look to the right:

Just imagine he isn’t sitting there Its a mirror image to the right with the addition of a piano. There are also two mantels flanking the entrance to the ballroom.

The ballroom (and the Oakland coordinator, my mother and my grandparents):

Just imagine there isn’t a conference about to happen here…

Our choices for eating dinner were either in the ballroom above, or the tent outside. A seated dinner for 80 people in the ballroom is VERY tight and a few tables would have possibly had to have been in the foyer. This would also inhibit our guests that have difficulty with their mobility and those in wheelchairs, so we went for option # 2:

The tent in the backyard:

The tent at Oakland can fit approximately 200 people, so will certainly be enough room for people to move around during dinner along with the added tables for the buffet.

Here is where we could really use your help; there are two options for an outdoor ceremony.

Option A: The bishop’s garden:

Pros: Brick that high heels can’t sink into and a very intimate space.

Cons: the maximum seated amount is 80 people. So it could be a bit cramped… There is also a lovely view of the parking lot to the right.

Option B: Near the tree on the side of the tent

Pros: Much more open space, possible ceremony seating in a semi-circle, possibly more light

Cons: Sinking high heels in grass and its a bit of a slight slope. I also have no idea where I’d walk in.

So, which ceremony site should we pick? Are you having your ceremony/reception in the same place?

A few days after our engagement we began the venue hunt, it didn’t help that I was flying a bit blind by calling venues in Maryland while living in Miami. After our return to Maryland Nick had to return to England, so I was pretty alone in the search.

I first looked into the Clyburn Arboretum in Baltimore while we were living in Miami and balked at the $1400 cost. I thought ” that is just too high!!!”. Right…

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Which it actually would be by the time we rented everything we’d need to.

Then I looked into the Constellation, which is a very large, old battleship that sits in the very center of the Inner Harbor in Baltimore City.

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Which, it turns out you need a $1,000,000 insurance policy to use…my parents said no.

I began to feel I was getting edged out of Baltimore…then after stalking my photographer’s blog I visited the Elkridge Furnace Inn.

taken from Elkridge Furnace Inn's site, not from my photographer's

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Which though incredibly lovely was simply out of our budget. I’m exactly wild about the area either, and it could be confusing to get to for out of town guests.

So I began to look in Maryland’s capitol – and the home of Miss Tiramisu – Annapolis:

Where I found the O’Callaghan hotel

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As much as I love the US Navy and subsequently the US Naval Academy – the reception room is in Navy gold and blue. Which sadly isn’t what I had pictured, because the price and the service were spot on. Not to mention all our guests could stay there!

If I had all the money in the world I would have certainly checked out these venues which are my “top 5 I wish they weren’t out of our budget”:

The Garret Jacobs Mansion

The American Visionary Art Museum

The National Aquarium

The Walters Art Gallery

The Peabody Library

Which are all very very lovely (and way way out of our budget), but with the exceptions of The American Visionary Art Museum and the Aquarium-they don’t really shout Nick and I.

Which is why, with out any further ado, I’d like to introduce to our venue:

The Historic Oakland Manor

In my hometown of Columbia, MD and less than 10 minutes away from my parent’s home which is unfortunately 20 minutes outside of Baltimore. The saucy city wedding I envisioned has officially been moved to the suburbs. I’m sorry for the gray cloudy day, I promise my photography does not do it justice

I also promise you a full tour of Oakland soon

What compromises did you have to make when finding your venue?

I really found it difficult to make other decisions until I had found it, were you able to get around that?

Okay, well, that isn’t EXACTLY true.

We’ve already set it. A few times….

Nick and I were engaged on August 10th, 2008. I think we set a date the following weekend and wrote out our guest list on the back of a used envelope at happy hour on the beach. There are some days that I really miss Miami…I digress.

I mistakenly thought setting a date was the easiest part of planning a wedding. In my mind, we set the date and people would show up; we began with the wonderful date of 10/10/09. I have a terrible memory so my though process was obvious. I could see myself being unable to recall the exact date and think “what is our wedding anniversary? well, we got married in October-the tenth month…oh I know! 10/10 is our anniversary!”. Not to mention 10/10/2009 is the same in both the British date writing (day/month/year) and American (month/day/year). Pathetic I know, but useful and handy!

Additionally October is very beautiful in Maryland. The humidity begins to die down, the heat subsides and we begin to get little pops of colors in the trees. So I began to imagine my Maryland fall wedding, with bright orange trees and our wedding colors of deep aubergine and chocolate brown. Wedding favors-how about copper fall leaf wine stoppers? The cake? lets put fall leaves on it! the invites? fall leaves! fall leaves!

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SEE! FALL LEAVES!

But upon further consultation with our nearest and dearest we soon found that 10/10/2009 was not to be. Many of our friends and relatives are teachers or students and a mid term vacation to a different country would be fairly difficult. So we went back to the drawing board and after much research of UK, US and Australian school/university holidays we finally ended up on a date at the end of August.

Also, after talking to my photographer he reassured me that the leaves don’t even really change till November anyway.

Did you have difficulty setting a date? Did you have to change it multiple times too?