US meets UK

My modern dance class was canceled last night, so instead of being discouraged I came home and made a new friend. Her name is JILLIAN and she drives a hard bargain.

(source)

I give her 20 minutes of my life and she takes me as close to death as possible. After reader sunflwra posted on the boards about the shred I knew I had to get it in gear. I’m not going to lie to you guys, a bit more than halfway through I took a break for more than 5 seconds. I went to get a glass of water because I was about to pass out.

Writing this post isn’t easy for me because I used to hang with girls like Jills. 20 minutes no problem, in college I was a rugby playing dance major. I would have danced circles around level two. 2 years ago I tore my left ACL, destroyed a fair amount of my meniscus and had to have very painful surgery I haven’t fully recovered from. In the past year I’ve also given myself a very bad ankle sprain – TWICE. What can I say, once I pop I just can’t stop.

I really lost the will to treat myself with the respect I deserved. At the time I tore my knee I also had gone through a pretty tough break up with a boy I had dated for 4 years. For several years I had identified myself as that person’s girlfriend, a rugby player and a dancer and in a couple of months all those things had changed. I gained over 30 pounds in 2 years. It may sound pathetic, but it took this relationship with Mr. D’orsay to get myself ready to turn around and ready to “shred”.

I want to start our marriage off with respect, with respect to each other and also respect to ourselves. I deserve to feel good about the way I look again and I deserve to not be paranoid about Mr. D’s hand on my stomach. Although he loves me the way I am, I’m ready to admit I don’t and I’m ready for a change. This will be the last time I look at the photo below. It’s a photo that was taken a few weekends before I tore my ACL. Similar photos have been my computer background for several months and it hasn’t been helping. Instead of working back to the body I had in the past I’m going to work towards the body I will have in the future. Here is my old body, may she rest in peace:

ps. Finding Nemo is one of my favourite movies

Anyone out there feel my pain? Its tough to get back on the horse after an injury (physical, emotional or otherwise), how did you all get back on?

This entry was posted on Friday, January 16th, 2009 at 7:26 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.